‘You like that, don’t you? Throwing yourself over’ he questions.
I freeze at his unexpected inquiry, shaken.
‘I can get any girl like you on any corner, they are called prostitutes or crack whores. Look how easily you get turned on’. He rasps nasty words, untangling me abruptly away from his arms.
I shiver at sudden cold I feel outside his warm body.
‘Dating someone? You know, what kind of person you are? I don’t think you do or anybody does… Because they don’t have to look, when your legs are spread like that. Do they?’
I still stare at him dumbfounded, half naked in my bed, unable to move, blown away by his statements.
He casts me a pitiful look, picks up his t shirt and heads out to leave.
I hit him. Hit him hard with my bra and the t shirt on back of his head.When he turns, I make sure I land the necklace on his face too.
I wish i had thrown him a lamp or the books or the cup i had there or even my shoes . But i did not. Even with all my anger directed on him, in that split second, i did not want to hurt him. Or at least i did not want to be the person to hurt him, although i did wish for him to be struck with lightening right there and die at spot in front of my own very eyes.. A part of me, loved him no matter what, for beyond reasons ..
‘Keep that!’ he says, watching it drop on the floor, missing him by an inch. ‘Consider it a payment for today. I will pay you more for better experience next time, if I am interested that is’.
‘F*** You’ I scream now, revolted with anger. My temper boiling in my blood.
How could i have let him do this to me? How could i have been in love with someone as hideous and foul as him?
‘F**** Yourself. You are classless’ he screams back, slamming the door behind him, at me.
Locked in now, inside my own door.. beaten out of my life, broken down to minute pieces, I cry. Confronting my biggest fear, that Will never’ loved me, even for one moment in his life. This, was the real him. And for him, i was nothing more than a classless piece of junk he wanted to flaunt around, for the world to see. And the saddest part of it all was, i had always known. Always known,what i was in, from beginning of time. I was indeed classless.