Will You Into My Will ( chapter 27)

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We stay in silence for a while. It was our first fight and both, Brandon and I, we didn’t know how to react, now that we were calming down. However, a flush of relief soon runs over me on hearing him talk first. ‘Cam, Cam. Babe please look at me’.

‘What?’ I reply with a glare , loud and clear, making sure i heard him twice before i answered to him. I don’t  know why i even did that? Perhaps to boost my self destructive ego, that was already towering over my head, and was starting to eat me inside and out.

‘I am sorry’ he apologises. His eyes careful and calculative of my mood and stance, waiting for my right response before he could  say couple of sentences more.

‘It’ s alright’ i reply, least interested on what he had to say next.

Despite clinching on my hint, he adds.  ‘After you went to prepare something to eat for us and got into talking with Mia, i became sure you forgot about me. I was bored, so i started making  these paper balls and scoring them on the bin.’ He pulls in a bunch of small paper balls from his pocket as an evidence.  ‘When did he have time to prepare that? Surely i didn’t leave him that long’.. I question myself, examining inquisitively those finely made, plastic taped, smooth round paper balls. Talk about Talent! 

‘That’s when i noticed your silver piece. I know for a fact that you loved this thing so, i couldn’t help wondering what it was doing on the garbage bin. One thing led to another, and i ended up scouring everything..Look, I am sorry. Ok? Can you please forgive me?

And i did.

Yes, just like that. Because, I understood. I didn’t have to look at his down turned lips  or upward slanted brows to tell me, that he regretted doing it. His words weighed to me. They mattered.

See, that’s what happens when people communicate..When people don’t let their ego clash in between them and let it do the talking first. I know, i have my issues and i have been struggling with them on my own ways. I get mad.  And when that happens, my temper does the talking for me.. But Brandon wasn’t letting this get to him. He was  approaching me as calmly as he could.

Feeling ashamed of my actions now, realising that he ranked much higher in character than me, i stammer timidly. ‘I am sorry too, Brandon. I can’t believe i made such an issue out of this small thing, when i should be thanking you for finding my lucky charm’.

‘No offence taken’. He replies instant. One of his genuine smiles assuring me that it was really ok.

I didn’t want to believe Brandon would do anything like that. At least not intentionally, in the first place either. But i guess, i snapped. PMS does that things to girls. Believe me! But, yes, i knew he wasn’t the type. The type, as in, someone like me…who was too obsessed, who went around investigating.. Was i even angry at him? No. Not at all.  The reason for my anger melt down was ‘Me’. Me all along! I was angry at myself. I was the one used to doing those stuffs..snooping around ..Will’s cellphone, his bag, purse whatever i could get my hands on. I just didn’t want Brandon to be walking that way down like me. And i didn’t want him to know anything..

I take the silver piece away from Brandon and hide it in my drawer.

‘ These…’ I speak picking up the crumpled pieces from my desk. ‘are what i do when i get mad’. 

 ‘Who in the sane mind would draw stuff like that? Who?’ I lower my head feeling sick at myself. The sketches start appearing more horrifying and disturbing with every passing seconds..

‘That’s one way to kill anger. Better let it out one way or the other than holding onto it, i suppose’. Brandon answers, kissing my head and moving away the strands of my hair on my face, tucking them neatly behind my ear.

‘What do you do Brandon, when you get mad?’ I ask, still pinning my head to  the desk. If i was  a mole right now, i would be digging my way down, way…y down  tunnelling into the centre of earth.

‘Easy’ he replies, crumpling the pieces again and throwing them back to dustbin. ‘I am no  hard worker like you baby. I  walk out from the discussion. And that’s the end of the topic’ 

‘Why did’t you  walk out on me then?’.

Perhaps, it was the nasal twang in my voice or the look of surprise i carried when i asked that, he smiles. Then, wrapping his arms around my trunk, resting his head on my back  and cuddling me like a new born, he answers.  ‘Don’t you know that Cam by now..’

‘Has it ever occurred to you, why sweetest words come from people you are least expecting from? Sometimes, i wonder what would happen to the world, if everyone got what they wanted. But again, it’s impossible right? There will still be chances that someone will always wind up getting heartbroken..For them, the world would still be sullen..purposeless, so frameless, wouldn’t it? What is life without love? What is love, if it doesn’t make you thrive to outpace your own limits?’

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