Oh God. I’m not proud of what i did yesterday. And i have no excuse for myself. On top of that, at day of Pooch’s funeral? Why don’t you hit me with a hammer.
Will was right. I would regret it. And i am regretting now.. But, did he know he would regret it too? Probably hating his sorry arse, isn’t he? After all, I am delicious! One finger licking peach! It’s only once in a lifetime, a girl like me gets a psychotic breakdown and tosses herself at a man like him!
I jolt myself up from my bed, putting a brake to my nuisance thoughts. And grabbing my watch roughly from the drawer, I check the time. It says 11am. I double check on my cell phone. Right’ it was 11am, past 15 actually. I hurry downstairs, dragging down my robe on the carpet, wondering why Mom hadn’t woken me up today. Has she forgotten our big No, No rule to sleep past breakfast time?.
‘Hello sweetie’ She greets me in the hall, already dressed in her work uniform, to my surprise. ‘ Hey dear. How you doing?’ Dad greets me too, passing a pack of cereal and a cartoon of milk, on my way to the table.
‘Fine. Thank you’. I reply.
And sitting on my chair,i add milk to my whole cereal on the bowel, throwing one habitual long glance at poochie’s empty basket, lying on the corner of our sitting room. ‘Aren’t you guys going to be late?’
‘Yes about that’ mom replies to me, looking anxious. ‘ I heard you crying in your room yesterday night. And you were late to come home too. So, we were worried..’
‘I’m fine Mom. Where is Irish? I haven’t seen her today. Did she already leave for school?’ I divert the topic.
‘Yes. She did. I didn’t want her to wake you up, with Pooch gone and stuff…’
‘Yeah..ok. I will see her later then’ I sigh.
‘Sweetie, we all miss Pooch. I know how special she was to you. But, life keeps on..We will always remember her. She will always be with you in your heart’. My dad joins in, supporting Mom to ease me from my grief.
‘Yes Dad, i understand’.
‘ Fizzi has a due date next week. I have talked with Aunt Marish. And you know what dear, she said, you could chose any pup you like. There will be at least 5 of them to chose from’. He adds, trying to cheer me up.
I look at my Dad shocked, not believing what he just said to me. How can he expect me to forget her so soon, without even leaving me a week to mourn my loss?.
‘No Dad. We can’t replace Poochie. We can’t ever have another dog again. How can you even think that?’ i reply.
‘Nothing gets replaced dear. Not 15 years of her life with us’. Dad answers me again. ‘We only hoped the new pup makes it easier for you. It will be Pooch’s grandchild after all.. She would want you to have it.’
‘No. I am sorry. I can’t’.
‘Never Say you can’t Darling. You will be amazed, at how much you can still love.. after showering all your affection to one. Ask me..I am your dad.’ My dad insists on his persuasion. While my mom, exchanges a silent language with him, asking him to continue, tipping him that he is going at right direction.
‘I never thought i could love anything else beside your Mom. But then, you came and Irish came. And i can’t tell which among you I love more. It will be same with the Pooch and the new pup. You will love it in no time, and when you realize that, you will know it isn’t the same feeling. But it’s still love. Stronger..’
My eyes starts, watering all overt again. I have a whole tank of tears in my eye bags..i tell you.
‘I don’t think i can love easily.. It’s hard to love and to fall out for me’. I hear my own words spilling me, as i try to contain my feelings.
‘You never have to fall out of love, my dear. You don’t have to substitute or replace either. There will always be space for more..I understand you don’t want the pup right away. I will ask Aunt Marish to hold for it right now, just in case you change your mind. Ok?’
‘Yes.. Dad. Thank You’. I stammer, throwing my gaze over at the place where pooch used to sit on her lazy days. Lying flat on her belly, soaking on the sunlight that penetrated from our glass window panes. Her attitude like a queen, her posture relaxed like a boss..
I miss her now and everyday. It’s funny how our human minds work.. We never miss things until they are gone.. And it took 15 years for my small four legged friend, weighing just over 25 pounds to make me realize that.. I only hope, Will realizes it soon enough.