Will You Into My Will (Chapter 40)

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Yes. Very busy. Any reason for you to call at this moment?’ I ask, trying to sound as formal as i could, to shorten the possible conversation.

‘What are you busy at?’ Will ignores my question and launches his.

‘I think i mentioned we are having a party tonight and there are lot of guests’.

‘Guests huh? So, is that the reason why you are ignoring all of my calls?’

‘May be’. I reply.

Just then, Brandon’s sleepy voice next to my ear  startles me. ‘Who is it?’ he asks yawning.

‘Ah Whitney. A friend of mine from neighbourhood.‘ I lie.

‘Ok..Hope it’s not an emergency’.

‘Nah, No emergency baby. She was just around here and wanted to see me before she leaves. She has  a flight tomorrow to Paris.’

‘Oh. That’s a bummer. Anyways say her hi from me too okBrandon says putting his hand over my waist.

‘Will doBut babe, before that why don’t you lay down, you look really tired’.

‘Yeah, i think i should’. Brandon replies yawning. ‘Wake me up when you are done alright’ He pecks a kiss on my cheek and retires for the night, while i cover him on my blankets.

There is a silence on the room after that, for a long time.

‘I’m Whitney now. Didn’t take you even a second long to come up with that lie. Did it?’. The voice on the line, breaks my peace again.  ‘So you weren’t lying when you said you were attending your guests’. He adds. His words now barely escaping his clenched jaws.

‘I wasn’t’ I reply short.  I didn’t intend to add any further. I owed him no explanation.

‘Do you know what you sound like to me at the moment?’

‘ I have an idea..Now, if you’ll excuse me, i need some alone time with my boyfriend. Don’t disturb’.  I remove the cellphone away  to hang up.

‘I will tell him.’ he snaps. A black mail. What could get any worse?

‘Tell him what?’ 

‘That he is the second one. And you are double playing him’.

‘He is the only one’ I hiss.

‘Can’t be. You are just taking out your frustration on him, sexual frustration. I know.’ He replies. His tone more casual now, having caught me off guard.

How dare he??  ‘What makes you think that i was not playing you? And that i’m not serious with Brandon?’

‘I don’t know that. You are right. But you can’t be serious. Heck No. You were stripping for me few days back and you are lying with him now. Really short span to do some thinking isn’t it? Liar and a cheater,  worse above the worsts. ‘ He accuses me, outright and plain. His words reflecting in his every articulation, his resentment for me.

I don’t know what hurts me more at this point. My heart; made of muscles, thumping inside my ribs, beating vigorously… or my brain;  firing impulses, locked inside my skull, processing his words trying to make some sense out of it.

‘I loved you for God sake..’ i stammer.

‘No you didn’t. You can’t love anyone. No one and nothing’.

‘You didn’t want me..’ i unbuckle, trying to remove the straps of my heavy heart one by one. ‘You said you wouldn’t hurt me. You said.. And i forgave you every time you came back to me. But you, you kept coming  only to hurt me more, like you haven’t had enough.. You drown me. You hurt me. You exhaust me. You leave me at nothing but ashes…You leave me at nothing.’

‘So you thought its ok to just unburden yourself at next man. Sounds desperate’.

There is no limit to bitterness this man can own. No reason i can give, to make him see that i cared.. So, i don’t have any reason now why i should try. I’m drained.. driven to point of insanity,  a complete hollowness, a black hole..I can’t pick him up, i can’t, when i’m not even sure if  can  pick myself.

‘Will what do you want? We are through this.’

‘Are we?’ he questions, still muddling my mind. ‘Because i don’t know.’

‘Yes we are. And if you didn’t know, then you know now’.

‘I don’t agree’.

‘Why not? Why?’

‘Because he has to know about me. He is your secret. Not me!’

‘You are NOTHING!! NOT my present, NOT my future. And NOT my secret!’

‘How dare you say that to me? How dare you flip on me? I waited for you. I would have, as long as it takes.It didn’t take you long to turn your head back on me, did it?’

‘NO. Because you are not worth it. You were never worth it.’ I shout. Then i shudder, realising Brandon was with me on the room.

‘Don’t kiss him. Don’t sleep with him..’ Suddenly, there is change in his tone. A change, i was unprepared for..

I try to remain calm but my tears give away. I am hurt. I want to escape this. I don’t want to feel this way..

‘I asked you not to kiss her. Not to sleep with her.’ I reply, trying my very best to keep pushing the words, that were refusing to leave my salty lips. 

‘But you did, what you liked. I asked you, not to break me, not to push me but you did, what you felt like. There is no reason for me anymore to listen to you, for you to say anything to me..We are done. Thank you for funding us with beers, vodkas and rums. I really liked the way your fiancee stared at me at the car park. And the way you kissed her on lips and made me feel like.. It has been a crazy night. Do whatever you like, Mr Will. All i know is i don’t give a fuck. Goodnight!’ I hangup then. And break into tears. But i don’t mind shedding some more today, i won’t stop them. For i know these are the last drops i was going to spare for him. It was just tonight and never again..never.

 

 

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