Will You Into My Will (Chapter 43)

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‘Carem, aunt Marish asked us if we wanted to keep the new pup’, my baby sister Irish calls in the next day to inform me.

It didn’t take me long to understand it was a request in her part, from the tone she had used to me.

Do you want the pup Iri?’ i ask, to know her own opinion, to which she replies instantly with , ‘Yessss i do!!’. Her shrill voice ringing with sudden anxiety , glad on being enquired about, probably the first time relating to this.

‘Then, we will have the pup!’. I answer, hoping to match her on equal excitement level. My response being a definite yes, irrespective of what i thought and what i wanted. After all, i am an elder sister, only a slave to my smaller half’s command.

‘Yupieeee..!!’. Her high pitch note hits my eardrums once again, painfully this time, almost deafening me for a while.

 

This, makes me wonder..

How durable is this entity, we call love? How long does it last for? And can it sustain on it’s own without physical need, an existence to remind us that our devotion  to them is still being yearned for?

Is love like a volatile solvent? Only lingering fragrance in the air for the pleasure of mind ..? Nothing then. No traces behind except an impression of the moments, the memories.. which too at times seems unreal, like if they never happened..

Is love then, a punishment to oneself? A dull, draining and  constant pain, smothering you and you alone.. with no herb, no medicine to cure your ailments? With shackles, holding you to the ground on it’s unforgiving crutches..it’s unseen grips heavy and tortuous..

Or is love simply replaceable? Substituted by new affection over time, then what? Would it mean we are liars? Would it mean,  what we did and what we said, weren’t meant on the first place? What would it mean..?

What exactly is love?

Where are the boundaries? How much of enough is enough..? And when do we know, this is indeed the time for us to let go..?

I lay on my bed wandering for a long time.

When i stand up, i feel  dizzy with my blood all pooling  down to my peripheries and my brain deprived of it’s blood supply. My hands tingle, my senses  start to go numb. And then blank’ for a moment. I’m back to bed. This is what overthinking would do to you…

However, the thinking and roving process doesn’t last long for me. It’s a good thing when your friends are too high on energy  and are always coming up with crazy ideas to keep you occupied. This helps me..helps me a lot, to keep my insanity at bay. Otherwise…even if i was to see a psychiatrist.. I wonder if he would be able to listen to my thoughts  for whole of  five minutes, without completely losing his mind..??After all, I’m a dangerous thing to be around with..

 

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