‘Wait. Don’t go.’ Will pulls the edge of my robe , gripping it in between his fingers, between the narrow space his sealed hands allowed. Turning around quickly I pull my robe free from him.
‘Enough is enough I said!’ I screech, moving a step back from him, stretching my palms forward, warning him to stay put where he sat. ‘Don’t’.
He looks at me hesitantly as though he is unable to react at my sudden burst of mania. Then taking a while to process his thoughts over, he withdraws his hand slowly. ‘I am sorry‘ he apologises, rubbing his fingers over his eyes, over the bridge then, locking them to knuckles in front of his lips.
‘I love you. I don’t want to hurt you.’
‘Think again’. I grumble, sitting on my bed, across him. ‘Your actions says otherwise’.
He looks at me and lets out a long sigh. Then, throwing his arms over his head and leaning back on the sofa, he asks ‘What do i do to make you believe me?’
‘Nothing. Nothing, you can do’.
He sighs again. ‘What do you want from me? Tell me please’. His voice gets softer with a desperate tone.
‘Really?’ I throw him an amused pretentious look.
He nods his head, appearing more hopeful, leaning forward closer to hear me out.
‘Nothing.’ I hit him hard with disappointment like a hammer on head. ‘He deserves this!’ I chuckle on my own.
Will doesn’t speak a word after that.
He looks at me vacantly; a mixture of anger, sadness and confusion gleams on his eyes; his stare transfixes at me, into me and beneath the layer of my cornea, through the gap in my pupils, against the frail membrane of my lens and deeper beneath..
‘Look away’ i snarl , feeling exposed, vulnerable..
He does. A moist film of tear running down the corner of his lids.
‘He is manipulating you! Don’t fall for it!’ My subconscious roars. ‘If you do, might as well admit to yourself, you are his whore!’.
‘I won’t. Not again!’ I brush away my sympathy. And picking my pillow from the ground, i put it back to my head end of bed, preparing to to sleep.
Will’s head is still faced away from me. He too has lied down on sofa now, with his feet overhanging down the edges and arms folded uncomfortably, crouched against the corner, trying to fit in his long body on limited space. I can hear him make noises, like breathing roughly against a blocked nose, like sobbing quietly.
I crawl down in my bed, looking at him, cornered by the unwanted emotions i refuse to feel. First there is fear; the dread of being raw, naked down to my soul; my secrets were no longer mine. The power to control; my thoughts, my wants were no longer mine. And, the key; to my happiness, to my dreams..everything narrowed down to one, my vision tunnelled, it’ was no longer mine.
Second to creep was ‘pain’; amplified by my fear of getting hurt. An acute ache in middle of my chest that i could not point. So unbearable, as though, my muscles were being twisted and stretched beyond their endurance till they tore..
The third, knocking around my misery came ‘The Anger’, so much, building up inside me, that it suffocated my lungs.
‘Wake up! Wake up!‘ i shrug Will roughly by his shoulder.
‘Leave me alone. Go to sleep.’
‘No! Wake up!’ I shrug him again. Shaking him violently than before.
‘Ok Ok. Whats wrong with you?’ He sits up, moving side to side, putting his hands down for support.
I lift them above the ground and stretching it past his head, secure them at the back of his neck, making sure both his arms were now raised and restricted to any movements.
‘What are you doing?’ he asks me confused, his voice now hoarser with a nasal twang.
‘Securing it. So that you don’t move’. I reply, checking the knot again, pulling his head towards me.
‘Sex. I want Sex’. I reply bluntly, looking at him, my hands pushing up his Tee past his neck.
‘I am not in mood,’ he exclaims, creasing his brows in disbelief, angry at me.
‘You don’t need to be. It has a brain of its own. Beside, You Got No Choice!’ I snap back equally infuriated, stressing him loud enough on ‘You Got No Choice’ part.
He stares at me, taken back, without blinking his eyes for seconds. I pull down his trousers, down his bums anyways.
‘Don’t!’ he snarls, sitting down on it, bloated, grumpily. ‘I didn’t stop you from doing anything. You shouldn’t too’ I mumble, reminding him of his deed, a day back, to which he still owed me. Upset, i would still pull that guilty card, he looks at me regretfully with a repentant conscience.
Then, he lets me drag his trousers all the way down his feet and off it, in no time. Still groaning and complaining, he watches me toss it far too, to the bin beside the door, like a crumpled piece of a paper. ‘Ooooh Yes. I loved it!’
‘It will be more fun, if you set me free from this’. He bends his head, to slide forward his hands, showing me what he meant.
‘Stop, I want your hands back!‘ I snap again, suddenly, frustrated; at his lack of compliance with simple rules. ‘Did you hear me complain then?’ i ask him, utterly annoyed.
It gets easier the next few minutes. Me handling him, playing with him and slipping him off inside me. He doesn’t say a word at all. Not a sound, just the way i wanted it. I close my eyes then, allowing myself to float in blissful pleasure i was learning to indulge..thinking in my head that ‘It could have been anyone, anyone else in my arms, not necessarily him.’
My knees spread wider apart, relaxing my pelvic floor to accommodate the pressure i was raising, swelling inside me. My back arches forward and backward like swinging on a vine, on its own, controlling the motion of my thrust.. And my hip moves up and down, feeling every inch of his muscle grate the folds of my tunnel, pleasurably.
I moan softly, resting my head against his shoulders, locking him inside my own arms, pushing and pulling my passage till his tip. The juices on my body pent up and release with every friction i pass on them. Running my fingers across his hair then, i pull his head close to my chest, burying his face on my skin, watching him wet it with his saliva; enjoying each stroke, driving my own route to my lustful pleasure.
‘Fuck me harder baby’ Will whispers on my ear, nibbling on it, sensing my urge getting stronger.
‘Don’t talk’ i breath out, looking at him, pressing my hip harder against him and my forehead pressed against his.
‘Use me. Want me. Love me.’ he moans. ‘I want to see you come’..
‘Shhh..’ I hush. ‘Can’t.’
‘Why? But.. i want you to.’
‘Don’t ask’. I cover his mouth with my wrist, stopping him mid sentence, driving back to momentum.
However, i halt again. ‘Ah. Don’t bite!What now? ‘ I sneer at him.
‘Don’t pace fast. I don’t want to’. He whines leaning his head on my chest. ‘At least kiss me once…’
‘Well you can’t decide. Can you? I have it my way today.’ I push him back on the sofa and bending forward to wrap him again around his neck, resting my head against his shoulders, moving back and forth. ‘Why should i kiss you?‘ i mumble as i do so.
‘I’m not just the thing down you know. I am a human’. He replies with a sigh.
‘Me too. I guess you didn’t know that before huh..’
‘Well as long as i’m the only one getting in.. I don’t mind i suppose.’ He pecks a soft kiss on my cheek, snuggling past my hair, at which i raise my head and stare at him with surprise.
‘Don’t be too sure. I have a need.‘ I lash at him.
‘Nothing gets in down there except my fingers, your fingers and my stick’.
‘Well, its my body! Stop acting like you control me!’ I glare at him
He doesn’t speak a thing again. And i stop chattering too. We get straight to business, getting it done; me fucking him the way i want.
Once we were over it, I clean myself and toss him a roll of tissues to clean his. ‘Thanks’ I leave him a kiss on a forehead for being a good fuck-buddy.
‘Wait!! Maybe I am being too kind to him..‘
‘You aren’t even that good by the way. Waste of my time!’ I hurl at him, my vicious comment. Whoever said, word can’t kill.. Trust me, it does much worse.