Will You Into My Will (Chapter 54)


Its a shame how we could really love someone with all our heart and never know, never really be sure of how they feel about us. They may mean a whole world to us and what we do, how we talk, how we feel..all of our actions, our hopes, plans and future may entirely revolve around them; but for them, we might mean nothing, nothing at all.

I find it frustrating to depend on just mere words, non verbal cues and assumptions to feel emotionally secure. What i don’t own, may never be mine or perhaps isn’t mine or was never mine. How can i rest in peace with thoughts like that? 

Will is sleeping next to me. Even with his face this close, his warm breath blowing on my face, I feel unsettled. ‘He loves me, He loves me not’. How can one not be selfish to want to hold to him for life, when all i care, want and dream about.. lying right next to him is, ‘Him’. How can i not be greedy, when i can’t reason out  my own self from thinking that no one will keep him happier  and no one will love him more other than me.

‘ I am your person, look at me Will.’

‘Love and don’t expect’. Whoever said it, definitely didn’t know a crap about love. 

Is it possible to love some one and never want to hold them? Is it  love, if you haven’t brought up  enough guts to confess while shaking on your knees ? Can it be love, if you aren’t awake on middle of night, planning and  skimming to make your ‘perfect together’? Do you really believe, you could love someone without any expectations..?

I sigh reading the text message in Will’s cellphone. It read ‘love you and miss you’ from Ressica, his fiancee. And a reply ‘Me too’ from Will, for all the 4 days we have been together.

I don’t know what to do about it. I feel displaced. Like an outcast, intruder in a place where i don’t belong.. If this was a fairy tale, i am sure, i am the evil witch character every one loaths. 

I run my fingers through Will’s face, across his forehead, along the border of his nose to his lips and to the chin.

‘This is the face, i’m in love with..’

He is heart throbbing beautiful. Its frustrating that he can’t see through my eyes how i see him. Its infuriating, that i can’t say the right words to win him over..

He is with me, but he isn’t with me at all.  


‘Hey, stop staring at me. I can’t sleep anymore’. Will mumbles, fluttering  his eyelids lazily.

‘Can’t do’.

‘Why?’. He flutters them again heavily at me. I stare in awe.

‘Don’t know. Maybe cause you look so good when you are sleeping’.

‘Try sleeping. Come here’.  I move closer, digging my face flat on his chest.

‘I don’t have milk, do i ?’ he jokes, pecking a kiss on my forehead, noticing me nibble on it.

I know‘ i reply, turning over, pressing my back against him and pulling his arm around me. ‘Can’t help my instincts. You look yummy.’ 

Will chuckles. I love that sound, i have always loved it, i don’t know why.

I close my eyes. Its  5am in the morning. We are late birds, not exactly Will but for the vacation, yes. I’m contagious that way. My lethal dose of laziness strikes everyone.

However in no time, I open my eyes again. My head bends on my sides, feeling tender kisses of my partner’s  lips on my shoulders, receptive to his advancing hands  under my oversized tshirt. His body starts moving slowly against me..and my heart starts pounding, oddly enough in strange places..



We set out  to explore the wonders of Scottish highlands again, this time, with a group of other holiday backpackers arranged by our tour guide. On our way, we see Matt and  his four friends cycling past through the un hostile road. They swing their hands on air, one by one at us, waving ‘bye-bye’.

We had a good time today. Other travellers in our group, were also young couples. Friendly and enthusiastic. So, in 6 hours of hike we had all grown close enough, to   exchange our phone numbers and email addressees as well.

Will wasn’t at good mood by the time we returned to our cabin. He wasn’t throwing fits or showing his usual tantrums but, he was being peculiarly very silent. He wasn’t replying to me, any of my questions verbally, except nodding ‘yes’ or ‘No’ once in a while.

It made me nervous to see him behave like that. And i am nervous, because i do have  a clue, what might have ticked him off. I was talking too long on my phone today during whole of our trek, avoiding him. Sometimes walking too fast before him, and some times walking too late behind him.

‘I’m tired. Should i just put the beans, sausages and bread for dinner?’ i shout out from the kitchen, once i settle in the chair, exhausted, without taking off my shoes.

‘Anything’ Will replies from the door, startling me, his voice right behind me, his eyes scowling at me.

‘You scared me..’ i stammer, looking at him.

‘I will take  a shower’. He walks off, without caring to calm me down , his eyes still scowling at me from corner of his eyes.

I hate it when he is elusive like that, when i can’t tell what he is thinking… I would give up anything if only i could read his mind for a day and understand, what really goes through that head of his. Anything’






Will You Into My Will (Chapter 53)


‘How are you?’ Will asks me rubbing his eyes in the morning, seeing me return back to the bed after attending to my nature call. ‘Other than the feeling that there is a big gape in my bottoms and my womb might fall out from there anytime i attempt to cough, and a burning sensation when i pee, plus  the soreness in my lady part down there, I am completely fine. ‘ I reply, over exaggerating my symptoms.

‘Awww..’ Will expresses his sympathy sweetly, cuddling me in, allowing me to rest my  back against his chest.  This is why i over exaggerate, you see. I’m a sucker for his attention. 

‘How sore?’ he asks.

‘From 1 to 10, about 7’.

‘That is not much. How about we do it again and we make it 10?’ He raises his brow, feeling frisky.

‘What?  You don’t really love me, do you?’. I roll my eyes at him.

‘I do. I do. But you got to understand how i express my love’. He jokes.

‘You don’t know how to love’.

‘You might want to take that back..’ He laughs, his laughter resonating alluringly in my ears.

He kisses me softly then on both of my hands, bringing them closer together, trying to prove his point.

‘Ok Ok i see now, you are a gentleman’. I give in.

He laughs again, pulling me tighter in his arms.

‘So tell me, how does losing V feels like?.’ He  asks absent mindedly after a while of playing with my hair, rubbing the dry blood stain on our sheet with his fingers.

‘Don’t do it!’ I pat his hand roughly, to stop him from showcasing his weird behaviour. Unsure now about how i should  respond to his query, i mumble hesitantly ‘Losing V huh? I don’t know..Like its done i suppose. Nothing different’.

‘Uh huh..’. He looks at me, expecting more words, his head bent all over to my side.

‘Er, something like..am a grown up now and i know the big thing Sex…’ I reply again. ‘Anyways how did you feel your first time?’ i divert the question to him.

‘Same thing.’ he answers reluctantly. ‘And special’.

‘Me too.‘ I immediately respond back, hearing his answer, understanding now what he wanted to hear.

‘I am glad my first is you. I would have wanted no one else’. I confess to him, kissing softly dorsum of his hand, curling my fingers into his long slender bones.

‘Do i know her?’i ask; regretting soon later, wanting to withdraw my question.

Too late.

‘Yes’ he replies.


We plan to stay the whole day indoors that day, lazy and laid back lying next to each other, catching up to our missed conversations and having a time off, all for ourselves.

We begin by preparing pasta for our early meal. ‘Good breakfast is important’. Our views match on that. Will does the cooking part and i arrange the things for him, being his wing man. His culinary skills surprises me.  ‘If a man can cook, keep him’, every woman  would agree with me at this point. And especially with Will, i wasn’t planning to be an exception either.

We spend a couple of hours, watching online movies thereafter. ‘Ice age and Madagascar’. Heard of those? Apparently Will had not. No big shock there. He is the type who likes action and  thrillers. Once in a while, he will adjust to  romantic movies, but animations? He wasn’t a big fan. Not because he had seen and didn’t like one but because he had a pre fixed concept that ‘they are for children’. And this often infuriated me. However, today next to me, he had no option. And he was being smart enough, not to make a fuss out of it.

Our first show for the day was ‘Ice age’. Although Will did give an opinion at start, that animation didn’t feel anything real like the movies to him. Past fifteen minutes down the show, he was completely swayed away by the sloth character. ‘Look at him, he is so stupid and funny’ he wouldn’t stop commenting then on every next thing he did. The second was  Madagascar of course, which he found even more hilarious, with funny penguins  and a twisted love story plot between a giraffe and the hippo. ‘Ever thought, what would they give birth to? Try to imagine that…’ he spoke, roaring into laughter.

I had never seen Will like this before. The one i was acquainted to was reserve.. You could never tell what he was thinking of. One moment he would be pulling you towards him and the next moment he would push you 10 feet far. He was smart, confident, kind,  funny, many times confusing, ill tempered and often a jerk. But never so childish, carefree and open..

Understanding this side of him was making me feel more comfortable now, putting thoughts in my head about numerous  possibilities, that may be…Maybe, i did not need to pretend to be some sophisticated adult with him. Maybe, i could just open out about me, be honest with him and he would understand. And maybe, things wouldn’t be as bleak as of now in near future. However, i did not want to risk any chances with him. My subconscious was warning me not to..Cautioning me that  marching my queen out on an open field would be a  foolish move only to be taken down shamelessly by the troops now. ‘Wait. Be Patient..’ it said, for I had vested too much to back out, to wreck down things on my own.

We decide to visit our new favorite eating place then for lunch, ‘The Tavern’ that we  had discovered on our second day here.

On our way out, we see one of our neighbours sitting on the front porch, soaking on the afternoon sun. ‘Hey’ i greet him, as Will locks in our main door. ‘Hey’ the man replies, more of a boy, judging by his haircut and the outfit.

‘I am Carem’ i speak, extending my hand above the fence. ‘And this is Will. Nice to meet you’.

‘Nice to meet you too. I am Matt.’ the boy replies, taking off his sunglasses and shaking my hands and then Wills.

‘I don’t see anyone else at home today’.

Oh yeah. Everyone is out cycling. I was not feeling well, so i stayed back‘ he replies, noticing me look at his loner cycle in their usual  parking lot. ‘You guys headed out?’ he asks.

‘Yeah, to the tavern for lunch. Want us to bring something back for you?’

‘No. No. Thank you very much for asking though’. Matt replies gleefully.

In no time, we are driving then to our destination with ‘Haggies and Tatties’ in our head. After our first course with delicious sausage and potato cuisine, we dig in next to Scottish pudding and a pie. By the time, we were done clearing our plates, both of us could barely sit up straight. Embarrassingly, I even had to un botton my jeans to help me breathe. Thank god for my long tshirt, i realized later that i didn’t even have to worry about wearing it, at all. What a relief! As for Will, when he noticed me walk out of the ladies room only on my tshirt with  my over inflated belly perfectly camouflaged under the stripe patterns of my T, he couldn’t help but whimper. ‘This world is cruel place for men’ he said, his lips curled up, pursed together in an uneasy frown ‘Neither do i have legs like that nor do i have clothes like that. And even if i did, what is between my legs would probably ruin the scene and give nightmares to many’














Will You Into My Will (Chapter 52)

CAUTION. Only 18+ please. The following post contains explicit scene.


Our blankets fall on the floor, followed by remaining of our clothes. We crawl, turn and twist then, like two snakes, out on a cold winter day gliding over each other trying to preserve our thermal heat. Our kisses deepen and our hands start pursuits of their own to the forbidden spaces.

I stop now and then again, my lips departing from his only for moments, to cherish what that is truly mine. His skin reflects radiantly beside me, under the light shade of the lamp, like underneath his flesh are the thin sheets of glasses that trans illuminates the faintest of luminescence. And his hair is damp. It’s moisture locked  in, highlighting the intensity of colour inside  each individual strands, as though, they  were a mesh of soft fibres, woven out of slates of blackest charcoal. His eyes match to this, his hair, the depth of the color almost abstract to my precision.. drawing me in, luring me into his mysterious aura, engulfing me inside his concealed world.

He advances. His lips leaving behind a print of kisses as he goes, making me paralysed, receptive to his will. I shudder and flex my legs intuitively, pulling the sheets under my feet as he reaches my thighs and stops to kiss its insides.  Anxiety begins to strangle me in. ‘Do it..’ i whisper, high on oxytocin; the love-cuddle hormone flushing rampantly on their peak action, jostling in my channels.

He puts on the sheath and running his erection up and down the cleavage between my legs inserts it into my opening.

‘Damn that hurts’ I cry, wincing with pain.

And it did. It felt  like being stabbed with a blunt knife.. The pressure tearing up a part of my flesh, making way for an opening that i physically never felt before.

He tries it again. Still only half way through. My eyes starts watering. ‘Mia did say pain was to be expected, when she had her first with James….’ i try to recall. But she hadn’t mentioned  the extent. And whoever wrote that, it was painless and they didn’t feel a thing on the internet, now i knew were big bluffs. Either they were really drunk to remember,or were under drugs or had no pain receptors down there.

‘Are you alright?’ Will asks after a while, looking intently at me, noticing my wet eyes.

‘Alright’. I try to smile. And i was. Of course i wasn’t expecting it to be like  ‘Woooow’.. Because, every one knows the first  time sucks the most, yet you also remember the most. So it was important for me with who i was doing it. And it was Will. Could anyone  blame me for being so tolerant?  

‘Your tight’ he remarks, making a gentle hip movement again.

‘Are you..er…virgin Cam?’ he  asks confused,a little while later, unsure if it was the right thing to question me at all.

‘Dah..‘ i roll my eyes at him. Why was he asking me this?

‘Am sorry’ he apologises. ‘I just thought…’

‘You thought i am sleeping around!’. ‘Was it even the right time to have this conversation? Typical Men.’ My mood starts going down hill from there.

‘No. I’m sorry’ he apologises again. ‘You were dating..and i didn’t think you’d keep your promise..’

‘You are half way through my vagina’. I remind him, moving my hands to my face and to my hair. ‘I can’t believe this’. I sigh.  ‘Its painful do you know?’

He smiles and lands me a sweet kiss out of nowhere,hearing it. Then thrusting in me he replies,   ‘I know but that is just for first and second time i suppose. At least thats what i heard. After that, you will be asking for it’. He jokes.

‘I hope so. Cause your not helping at all’.

He chuckles. ‘I am being  as gentle as possible. Its hard to be patient with you’.

‘Yeah’ i make a face at him.

He puts me in a tight wrap then, curling over me. ‘Because i want you, and because you want me, you have to handle this’ he murmurs on my ear, pushing hard, deeper in my pelvis.

‘Because we will do it the next time, the next and the next’ he continues, arousing me back to the peak. His words, his voice so seductive , i was dissolving, feeling fluid, shapeless like water. 

In no time, my tunnel feels his full length blocking my exit and my pubic bone hits his, pressed underneath.

He motions then, stretching on his elbows on to and fro motion. His lips half open, breathing out and in, his eyes locked into mine..

Every movement is painful, every movement becomes pleasurable.

I curve and stretch under him. In no time, i learn his beat. And we are lost, finding each other, seeking a solace in our bodies.

‘I want to come’ he speaks, almost slowing down now, heavy in my arms.

I nod.

‘Won’t you ask me where?’ he says, holding my face into his hands.

‘Where?‘ i ask.

‘Inside you, without a sheath’.

I raise my brows.

‘Not this time of course’ he assures. Then curving his arms around my back, his fingers hinged against my shoulder blades, he rams in me again and again.

I bite. He moans. I bite harder. His legs extend, his muscles stiffens and then he limps.

We lie there exhausted, breathing hard. Our sweaty bodies against each other. His abdomen still pressed on mine, displacing my belly under his, as he takes in another gulp of air.

Love is beautiful. Love is painful, pleasurable, giving, demanding, carefree, obsessive, lonely, caring… Above all, love is thrilling; a bliss in the abyss of emptiness. 












Will You Into my Will (Chapter 51)


Our tour guide was a very pleasant person. In addition, to our  advantage, he was a free lance photographer as well. So, not only did he lead our ways through the bewildering vista of valleys, rocks and rivers, sharing with us some fascinating history, folklore and tits bits about the place. But, he also took some amazing photos of us, locked inside each other’s arms.  Our presence, so beautiful together that it blended effortlessly with the scenery he captured.

By the time, he had left us at our door despite our insistent invitation for dinner, it was 7pm on the clock. The bicycles were  parked out on our neighbour’s lawn already, bicycle locks neatly secured on all 5 of them. This meant our adrenaline junkie, young group of neighbours were home too, which made me excited. For it was actually the first time, Will and i, were seeing the physical evidence that they exsist, beside the occasional noises we heard when they laughed out aloud or shouted some funny names to each other. ‘Early birds and late bed warmers’ that’s what we called them.   


I step out of my bathroom on my robe and into our room. It had been a tiring day and nothing felt so refreshing than a hot bath, soaking my body into a tub full of warm water for a full 20 minutes. My muscles were relaxed, my body ache was gone, my skin felt very supple and my mind was at ease..

However, what i see next completely over exerts my system again.

For my heart skips it’s beat for a jiff  before tuning back into it’s momentum and my eyes widens, to adjust, to capture what i was perceiving. My mouth gapes open, half drawn by the gravity below, utterly unaware of my action and my lungs stops ventilating, depriving my neurons of it’s precious oxygen.

Will sits there on the bed, his eyes fixed at his cell phone, not noticing me. His fingers slide the screen, above and below as i stare at him, scrolling lazily, scanning for any interesting contents available.  With his upper torso bare, he rests against the pillow on the wall. Relaxed, his right knee is semi flexed supporting the arm and his left leg is straight, covered only half it’s length by  our sheets.

Our table lamp illuminates beside him. It’s light just enough to cast a yellowish-orange hue onto his skin, least bothered of the thick darkness surrounding him, as if, it is beguiled too by his appearance.

I stand awestruck.

Its a Dejavu.. A scene cropped out of my wildest fantasy waiting to happen. He is a character out of my most vivid imagination, waiting to become real..

I undo my robe still in trance, enraptured by him.  It slides down my legs swiftly to the ground  without making a sound.

He lifts his head. Surprised, his eyes fixes into mine, then  drifts away slowly to my almost naked body, covered only on my bottom with a black Lacey cloth.

‘Are you okay?‘ he whispers, once I slither on him. My arms tightening around his torso. ‘No. I am in Love’. My  reply comes out as a helpless cry.

He smiles wholeheartedly.  ‘You sure are feeling clingy today’ he chuckles.  Then landing me a warm smooch on lips. ‘Here’ he says.

‘I want more.. ‘ I push back my lips. Of course, as hormonal as i was feeling, a little kiss was hardly going to turn me off.

‘Love me… I cannot wait anymore.’ i breathe out, touching his lips with my fingers.

The pleasure of hearing me plead sparkles in his eyes.

‘Patience baby’ he taunts me, knowing, it was going to make me more restless. ‘Remember we still need to complete our  talk before we get things more complicated..’ he adds, reminding me of what i told him the other night.


‘I don’t care anymore!’. I almost wail.

 ‘I have  a need. Desperate need.’ I mumble, lowering my voice, feeling the pain of his subtle refusal stab my back now. This wasn’t the first time he was refusing my open invitation.. I still hadn’t forgotten.

‘Hey’ he calls me, noticing me slouch, holding my chin and bringing my face closer to his. ‘How much hungry are you?’.

‘You have no idea’ i reply, locking my eyes with him, my passion on wild fire flickering behind my dark lenses.




Will You Into My Will (Chapter 50)


The next morning i wake up, I don’t find Will beside me. I check  his bedside to know if he had slept with me at all. His pillow, still had a  depression on its body and the sheet to his end were still creased.

I let out a long sigh. Somehow, knowing he was still with me, was assuring me.

This bumps me back again to the truth. My truth.  ‘No matter how angry i was, or sorrowful.. It was still impossible for me not to love this man.’

I toss back and forth laying on my end, trying to get back to sleep. I was never a morning person and my eyes were hurting me, just by opening them. My cellphone vibrates then with an new incoming message ‘Babe where are you? Please tell me.’ It read.

I hadn’t been completely honest with Will as he wasn’t with me. I had been lying to him since Day 1. And this was the complexity of our relationship. ‘We wouldn’t stop lying to each other.’ So the ‘trust’  between us was virtually non existent, almost like a single strand of  a thin thread, from a spider’s web. For him, I was a second year medical student  in some university, working part time librarian in a college where i actually studied . And that was just the start. There were many. Of course the big one was’ i am 20 year old’, when in reality, i had just stepped in 17. 

My lies were  perfectly skimmed. I talked less of my personal life and  kept my distance from those topics,  for i knew if i involved him  more, he’d find out in no time. However, despite the effort, he  always came up with ways to corner me in. And speaking  more lies for me became unavoidable. Sure, keeping away from questions was better approach, but they only added to his nuisance more and in no time we’d standing up on a war zone.

I hated to lie.

It hurts to lie as much as it hurts hearing one. But if you have been doing it for a long time and have convinced yourself to believe that you are lying for a good reason, it starts to get easier.  Over time you get used to it. Although keeping up with its numbers becomes harder.. especially when you  don’t remember which things you spoke, were true about you and which were not.

The sound of stove being switched on, and glasses being used, grabs my attention back to the kitchen. My hearing  becomes super aware, hyper vigilante, compromising for the sight i couldn’t see. And  in no time, the alluring smell of bacon fills in my nostrils too making my stomach do an annoying flip. I stay silent however, listening to the clattering of plates and the clinking of spoons. Wondering in my head, if walking out there and behaving normal was the right thing  or staying here and looking grumpy suited me more.

My dilemma ends without an effort, when Will walks in with a tray of meal and two glasses of juice. ‘Two glasses meant, i was being fed too‘. A sudden surge of excitement over powers me and half of my anger, melts away right there.

‘Hey, you are up.’ Will  places the tray, pulling a small tea table by my bedside.

‘Yeah’. I reply, looking at him, to the food and back to him. ‘Did you sleep?’

‘I did. Did you?’he asks.

‘Knocked out.’

‘I could see’. He smiles. Then passing a plate of bacon, beans and toast he says in a sexy cheerful tone  ‘Room service.’  

I laugh. Isn’t it like the most romantic thing ever?

‘We will discuss tip after meal then’ i reply still chuckling.

He has wooed me off my anger now. ‘See how hard can it be to impress me?’. I ask.

And honestly, how hard can it be? For any man to impress his woman. Effort is all what we ask for. Right?

‘Better tip good’.  He flashes his sexy smile. His lips stained with barbecue sauce. Taunting the witch, the beast in me.

‘Here, a thank you first’. I lick out the sauce off his lips. Then shifting aside the tea table, i pull him off the chair to the bed.

The beast takes control snarling at him. Temptation. Lust. The unholy, the sinful words. It has imposed on him, both.

‘It gets hot in this room every time we touch‘ . He says drawing away from my arms reluctantly, a while later. ‘You just love teasing me, don’t you?’

‘Yup!’ I cut out a large piece of bacon for my share.

‘Why can’t you give me a normal hickey? Its painful’.

‘And sexy..’ i add, munching the juicy meat.

‘I can’t walk now. Our tour guide will be here in next 30mins‘. He complains

‘Bravo. More fun. You handle your business then before you shower’. I tease. I like teasers. Teasers go best with Will.

‘Revenge is best served cold. This one is for the time, you left me half naked craving, on my apartment’. I reply, holding out my orange juice glass on air. Victory.

‘Its not good to carry grudge for long’. He whimpers again, digging his food.

After a little while, throwing me to surprise, Will stands abruptly from his seat.

‘You got to help me now’ he says, dialling our tour guide’s number. ‘I might have to cancel cause i am fuming with chemicals all over my body now. I have no idea about the next thing i could do. So, for others safety, I might have to lock the house down with us in it and pull all the curtains. But you will have to bear me since you are the one who started it. And I am afraid it will be painful couple of days for you. Really painful’. He scowls his eyes at me.

I look at him shocked.

I knew he was flirting a while ago but now he sounded like a complete psycho. To add to that, his expression was really creepy and he was giving me goosebumps.

‘Hello’ he says on the phone.  ‘Can you come about an hour later. My wife is still asleep.  We had a hectic day yesterday and i don’t want to wake her up now.’  

The guide says something back, to which he replies ‘Ok. Great.’

‘What the hell?’ I punch him hard on his arm. ‘Don’t do that to me again!!’

‘I got you. Didn’t i? Should have seen your face’ He laughs hard, pointing at me and  falling with a big thud on the bed. ‘What if i was really crazy?’ he asks, wiping  his fat tears away.

‘I don’t know’  i reply, smiling alone, re thinking over the words he just said.

‘No matter how crazy he thinks he is, i know he is only half way than me. ‘




Will You Into My Will (Chapter 49)


Rose Love Red Romantic Hands Passion Flower Gift Wallpaper Flowers

‘I can’t move.’ I cry, trying to slip away from Will’s arms in the morning. Its amazing how the man can sleep in same position  for more than 8 hours. I barely can lie still for 5 minutes.

‘Then don’t move. I still need to sleep.‘ He replies, his lips pressed against my temple.

‘You are suffocating me. And your thing is poking my thigh’ I cry again.

‘Can’t help it. It has a mind of its own’. He doesn’t budge an inch.

‘If you continue this Will, you will sleep on your bed then. No sharing’. I warn him, my tone almost threatening.

‘Ok Ok Alright’ he retreats. ‘Can’t a man cuddle his girlfriend to sleep?’

‘Yeah. But not squeeze her to death!’ I snap, sitting up, throwing away the blankets on the floor.

‘Zeez. What got you early in the morning?’ he asks, pulling the blanket back. ‘Oh i know..’ he continues again, ‘High on hormones and no sex’.

‘What?’ i laugh. This is outrageous. I pick up the pillow and hit it on his face. ‘Where do you get thoughts like that this early?’

‘You. You and You. You leave me high and dry’. He leans his head  back again, this time landing on my lap.

‘Get up already. Its the first day. We need to go around‘.



Glen coe is a beautiful place, a paradise on its own. With every turn you take, you are bound to be awed by its astounding scenery. It is no surprise to know  that thousands of poets, writers and photographers travel here  every year seeking for an inspiration. Under its charismatic  panorama of  landscapes, riverscape and the cityscapes, even I, good for almost nothing individual,  feel like my inner potential  is thriving to come out. Who knows, the next Da-vinci or the Shakespeare of my time could be me..who knows.

We enter into an old tavern for breakfast on our way to the town centre. There were at least  20 customers like us, waiting in the queue to make an order, which was definitely not a good news for my over fed yet always starving stomach. And since, it was the only one within 5 mile radius that seemed to have a wide range of menu for selection, like rest of the visitors we  thought it was worth the shot  waiting anyways.  After all the first meal of the day is the most  important.

Our first Scottish breakfast was ‘Haggis and Tatties’, as recommended by the owner of the Tavern himself. A real joyful fellow. Apparently it was the best cuisine of the chef and was the most ordered dish on the menu. However, when it arrived, i was quite taken by the appearance. For ‘Haggis’ looked like a bloated thick sausage. Almost like a distended balloon tied on both ends that was over stuffed with minced meat on the inside.

‘Are you okay?’ Will asks, noticing me stare at my food. ‘You are not blinking your eyes’.

‘Yes’ i stammer, wounding the bloated sausage with my fork absentmindedly.

‘Its good. Honestly try it.’ He says, taking in another portion. ‘Delicious in fact.’

Its meat. Its supposed to taste good’ I reply looking at him savouring his food, enjoying every bite of it.  The dish did have  strong delicious aroma, one that makes you drool over it. ‘Its just that, i am having hard time adjusting with my eyes’.

‘Come on. It looks fine. Why don’t you start first with Tatties then, its mashed potatoes’. 


When we were  back to our cottage, it was already 6 pm in the evening and both of us were really tired. We had parked our car on the town area, visited a local museum, walked around a couple of villages on foot and done some grocery shopping for an entire week.  Our feet were aching. And it was obvious that both of us needed to introduce some routine exercise if we intended to live long and healthy.

‘It feels like home’ i comment, unloading our stuffs on the kitchen table. ‘I mean us doing our shopping together’.

‘Yeah. Wish we could do it again later’.

‘That reminds me’ he adds. ‘We needed to talk right?’

‘Yup. But i’m too tired now. I need to take a nap’. I avoid the conversation and walk towards our room. Will follows behind me.

‘You can’t ignore it forever. You said we need to talk. And today i have been trying to talk and you are avoiding me. Why?’.

‘Am not.’


‘Ok. What do you want to talk about?’ I hiss, starting to get annoyed.

‘Whatever stuff you wanted to talk about. About us. About your guy and my fiance’.

‘Your fiance huh? lets start with her then, have you told her about me?’ I ask. Not caring to hear the answer. For i knew, he had texted her many times behind my back today. Apparently he was in Thailand for some business trip.

When he shows no motion to answer at all, i rage more with anger.

‘I knew it.’ I reply. ‘ You said to me, you will solve this in a week. And then we don’t have to be like this anymore. But you didn’t. As expected. But i don’t care. Because  we came here to have fun, we have our fun and we go our own ways. At least  that is clear between us’. I try to stay as calm as possible. My speech is pressured but my message to him is clear and loud enough.

‘I told you, her father has terminal cancer. And i can’t do this to her, not at this time’.

‘Yeah you always have the same excuse. The last time. The last last time. Yet i trust you. Did I ever tell you, how it feels when i see her lipstick marks on your cheeks, on your collar and sometimes on your clothes when you stand in front of me, look at me straight into my eyes and lie? You don’t even try hiding those, do you? Do you have any idea how much it hurts me?’

‘I’m sorry. But it isn’t like how you think. Those are just friendly kisses. It’s her habit. I don’t kiss her back like that. Yes. I haven’t told her about you.  But she kind of knows already that we have broken off. And its all about making a formal announcement between us now’.

‘Kind of huh? Its a good word. Suits you. I suppose i can have those friendly kisses too. On my cheeks, on my neck.  It must feel sexy. And oooh with those kisses how could i even stop having sex. Right?’ I grit my teeth.

Can you believe, he expects me to trust him on that?

I pull off my pants, my tshirt and throw them on the floor. Then changing back to my night suit, slipping into my bed, i mumble ‘Liar! Liar!’.

On hearing those words, Will comes stomping to my end of the bed. ‘We are not done talking. So you can’t sleep’.

‘Get out!‘ i shout, jolting away his hands from my shoulder. ‘Stop touching me!’

‘Then tell me about your new toy. Does he know about me?’ He raises his voice too.

I pull my blanket, covering my head again. ‘Why does he have to know? Who are you anyways?’

‘I am the second one. No one knows about. And you don’t want to tell aboutSome one you just want to toss about.. lie to.. make excuses.. have fun with and leave..’ He rants.

‘At least you know that much’. I lash out.

‘And the worst part is, i know he is there. I sleep at night worried what might happen today. If you forgot me. If you love me less than yesterday, and love him more today. But you don’t care. And he has no f******clue, i exist. He sleeps at night knowing that you will be with him. Assured. Good dreams. But i can’t. Because, he is the one, isn’t it? He is the one you chose. And I’m the one under the blankets..hiding, being your dirty secret. You know how that makes me feel?’

‘Good i suppose. At least you know how it feels.’  i lash at him again.


I  had never been so calmer when Will and i had a discussion before.  But, I had been through these emotional rift so many times with him by now, that i was getting desensitised. I was numbing in my core. And as a defensive reflex to pain he inflicts, i had simply learned to stop listening.To listen by heart. And today, i had even gone a step further. I had heard what he had to say, gave him my replies and shoved the entire dialogues out of my mind to the gutter zone. There was no point. I was tired..

I always wanted Will, ever since i first met him. I do want Will.  But it didn’t mean I needed him or i need him.. A person could live without want and  i had learned to accept it over time being with him.  

‘Not everything you want is what you get.’ 
















Will You Into My Will (Chapter 48)


After 9 hours of driving from the city and through the breath taking views of highlands of Scotland, we arrive at our destination point. At 9 pm in the night, in Glencoe.  Our residence is a single storey stone built cottage with a thatched red roof accommodating a small brick built chimney on it.

‘It’s perfect!’ i scream, studying its exterior. The cottage looked like one of  those houses inspired by the fairy tale themes.

‘Yeah. But I didn’t expect the houses to be so close to each other’  Will wrinkles his forehead, unlocking the door to the house.

‘Come on. It’s good to have neighbours. We will get bored alone’. I reply, looking over the fence to the cottage next to us. ‘Wonder how are they  like?’

‘We won’t have time to wonder about anyone or anything. Miss Curious’. Will drags me in, wrapping his arms around my waist. ‘Peeping neighbours while you have a handsome man to take care of is a crime’. He gloats.

‘Why is that?’ i laugh.

‘You will know..’. He flirts.

The common hall we are standing at is spacious and well ventilated. It is furnished entirely with wood giving the house a homely appeal of comfort. On the front of it, facing the north are large glass windows with over hanging sheets of white curtains on it. And on the side  are two doors, opening into two different rooms.

‘Wow..  Look at this place’. I exclaim, captivated  by the scene, observing the  hilly terrain, the base of which seemed to begin right next to our doorstep. ‘Beautiful, isn’t it?’ Will remarks, standing next to me, admiring the majestic beauty as well.

‘What else?’ i squeak, now even more excited, running across the floor to check the two bedrooms.  ‘Oh my God’ i exclaim opening the door, again and again when i see them, marvelling  at the interior designs of the rooms.

‘I think i will have the first one..’ i say to Will, after reviewing both of my options, bouncing on the bed. ‘This bed doesn’t spring well like the one before’.

‘What are you talking about?’ Will makes  a disappointing face, bouncing on the bed as well.

‘I mean i like the previous bed better, you have this one. But if you don’t like it too, i don’t mind taking this’.

‘Ok you can have the first room.’ Will replies scratching his head after a while. ‘But there are no separate bedrooms. We have to sleep together’.

‘What do you mean together?’ i ask.

‘These are double beds. I can’t sleep alone’. He makes a fuss.

‘I know what you are getting into..’

‘Good. I thought  i had to explain..’ He rests back his head on the bed and stretches his arms.

‘Not happening’. I bark, shifting further on the bed and pushing away his hands

‘Sooner or later. Eventually ‘ he smiles wickedly, tangling me now on his  arms.

‘Yeah sure. After we have our talk’. I reply firm on my resolution, trying to get off his grip. ‘Till then you will have to wait as long as it takes’.


‘Had your shower?’ Will asks, drying his hair with towel, entering into my room on his robe after about 2 hours later.

‘Yeah. I’m hungry now. I wish we had shopped for some groceries down the town. At least the eggs.’

‘But you said we could do that tomorrow. Right?’

‘Yeah. But i didn’t know, after that big lunch i’d still be hungry’. I whine.

‘True. True. Here have some chips for today babe. All the shops will be closed now.’ He replies looking at his watch. ‘Its 12.30 already’.

Unwillingly i reach out for the packet and stick a handful of it on my mouth.Looking at me devour the whole thing into nothing, he chuckles.Day by day i think you are becoming more savage.’

‘Is that so?’ I narrow my eyes at him. My hunger gratified now. My lips unable to hide my mischievous intentions.

‘Yeah‘ he smiles back. His lips drawn out on the corner, twisted at an angle.

This is so tempting.. I can taste our pheromones on the air, finger licking sweet. And  i can hear my own heart pound, loud and heavy.

‘Go to your room Will. And shut the door behind’ i mumble, pulling my blanket and hiding my face, turning away from him. My body starting to boil under the covers as i do so.

‘I can’t sleep’ he replies casually, pulling the blankets and lying next to me.

This surely is a test of my patience!’ i scream on my head. ‘Dear lord..’ I pray.

Click.  I hear the table lamp switch off then . And feel his warm hands  slowly slithering my waist and  wrapping around it.

‘Don’t do that, i can’t sleep’  i breathe out.

‘Then don’t.‘ he replies. ‘ We don’t have to do anything we don’t want to’.