Will You Into My Will (Chapter 63)

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Can this be love?

That despite all the flaws you see in the person and  in your relation, you wouldn’t want to let go of their hold? That despite knowing, the person you want may never really  want you back and in your infinite world of happiness, you would never truly be happy, you still wouldn’t  let go.

How happy am i? Or i ever was? I don’t know. I don’t think i will ever know.

One moment i hate Will. The next moment, i cry. I can’t even tell apart, what part of my feelings are stronger. If even one of them was, my mind would at least have been at ease.

I hold Will’s hands and stare at him.

I could still feel the tracks left by the shawl when it constricted his wrist, the ridges and depressions it left behind; distinct, sharp and overwhelming on senses of my fingers.

‘I will be fine’. He answers, looking at me, without even a tint of worry on his voice or his face.

Clearly this man has no idea what he is into…’  I feel like mocking his stupidity, knocking some senses on him then and there, but this was no time.

What happened? I heard noises’ he asks, when he sees me return with a bucket full of ice.

‘Some of the ice trays broke.’ i reply bluntly.  ‘Put your hands here. It will help your pain and swelling’.

He doesn’t question and digs them  into the cubes.  Next few minutes we sit there  without talking. It was one of those odd times when  silence between us was just too awkward.

‘Are you stupid?’ 

‘Hmmm.. ‘ 

Will raises his brows at my abrupt question.

‘Its been more than 3 minutes Will and you still have your hands buried under the cubes!’

‘You asked me to.’

‘ Smart people are smart enough to know when it starts to hurt!’. My jaws tense as i say that.

 

Ok!’. He removes his hands looking at me and places them at my eye level for my visual confirmation.

I was doing it again, directing all my anger and frustration over and at  him.

Nothing had changed much really except his swelling. I don’t understand what i was so heated up for, the world wasn’t going to crash if i stayed calm for three minutes.

‘Sorry.’ I mumble. ‘If you put your hands longer on ice, it will actually do you more harm. You are supposed to alternate it. Take it out and put it back in. Immerse only 1 minute or so, take out and immerse again later.’

‘Hmm. Yeah. Sure’ he replies awkwardly. Then  back again, we have our silence.

‘Why are you so angry now days?’ Its his turn now to bombard a sudden question.

I crease my forehead. Honestly, it wasn’t unanticipated. But till now, i hadn’t really come up with an answer.

‘I was never like this. Ever since you dropped in on my life, i can’t really tell whats going on with me’.

Will laughs, his beautiful laugh.

He thinks i ‘m trying to woo him away with my flimsy dialogues. He thinks its too sleazy, too cheesy or  too corny for me to mean it.  If only he knew, i am  honest. He changed me in many ways. For better or for worse.

 

……………………………………………………………………

An hour later, our moods are different.

I am lying on bed, half naked down below, with a blindfold on my eyes with the same shawl.

I do know, its all about kinky sex. And has a lot to do with me saying, ‘you are not good enough’yesterday.  But i really have no clue whats on his mind.

How often do you hear, about a monster on bed? About things men want to do, which their partners don’t like, don’t want to do but are forced to.. One moment it is consensual and other moment it turns into a rape. News, medias, internet; people with unhealthy sexual fantasies,  doing demeaning things, hurting people, playing with  lives. All for sex’.

Is it wrong for me to get worried at this point? But then again, what has it got to do with me trusting him? People are what they are. What if Will is one of those people, who is looking  forward to gain pleasure asphyxiating me, drowning me, duct taping or even stuffing me with things? Now that we are ready to push our boundaries.

‘Are you ready?’ I hear excitement on his tone.

Yes..‘  My ‘yes’ comes out as a stammer, rather than a confident response.

He separates my legs, pushing them up against my thighs then. And in no time, his fingers starts stroking my pleasure spots. A long gasp of air, and I had only begun to breathe it in, when he plants his lips on it.

‘I can handle that. We have done it before….’ I breathe out. But his hype of eagerness was making me more restless than i should be.

 

More strokes and i start to moan tightening my abdomen.  All my focus suddenly concentrated now on the nub between my inner lips and his.

‘Oh my God…!!This is insane.’ I explode.

 

Humans. We were designed with a flaw, a natural weakness on our physique aren’t we?

I remove my eye fold to  bend my head over and look at him and, i can’t help smiling. But he is clearly not happy. ‘You are not supposed to do that’ he rants.

‘But i’m done. You should know, you can’t tickle more, if you don’t want to get in.’ I laugh again. The look he has is actually disappointment.

‘That was too fast’. He frowns. Genuine disappointment. Can you believe that?

‘Not my fault.’ I protest.  ‘You aren’t happy when i don’t come in, you aren’t happy when i come in. What do you want? Is it about me saying you aren’t good enough?’

‘Of course not!’ he defends. Seen a kid with wrapper on his hand and openly, courageously lie, looking into your eyes saying that he didn’t eat the chocolate. Adorable, isn’t it?  But you know he is clearly lying.

‘If i’m not good enough, you wouldn’t be moaning ears off these walls. I’m sure Matt has hard time sleeping’. 

I didn’t even ask for explanations. And he is defending. I smile. Guys and ego, i just don’t understand.

‘I didn’t mean it..I was just mad.’ I try to calm him down.

‘Of course you didn’t mean it. You keep begging for it.’ Now that, was getting over my head.

‘No i don’t!’

‘Yes you do!’

It has  become a game for us, this thing, trying to make the other back down.

‘Ok. Yes I do. So, before i wear off my high,  why don’t you get in?’. I open my legs again and taunt him. Last thing i want to do is fight.

‘Then lay back in. And i want the folds back’. He demands.

‘Why?’

‘Cause I want them back. I want you close your eyes and concentrate on where i am rubbing you.’

I can’t concentrate with my eyes open’.

‘Do it!’. 

I put my blindfold back. I am not happy. Something about the folds, they make me really nervous. Or is it the idea, that he might shove something else down my canal, i don’t know.

He inserts it in. I know this feeling. The pulsating beat, the stretching of my rugae. I can hear him gasp softly too on the background. A short gasp, on every thrust he puts. Its sensual, its arousing.

I move along side as he bends, extend as he extends moulding to his hands. The friction gets easier, slippery, short lived and faster.

‘Don’t’ he whispers, clutching my hand, as i move it to my face to remove the shawl.

‘It makes me nervous..’

‘Trust me,’ he locks my hand above my head.

I want to see you’

‘Not now. Babe, just concentrate on yourself. No kisses for now’.

‘What does it mean no kisses? How can i concentrate when i can’t see you and now i don’t get a kiss? Let me out of it’

There is a pause. A pause of seconds, that feels like a millennium in a world without sight.

‘Babe,’ he begins.  ‘Don’t you have a fantasy guy you ever wanted to hook up with?’. 

He is calm and clear with his question. I can see even with my eyes closed, his determination gawking at me, convinced to  take it all through. And i can’t talk him out of it.

‘For this time, just this onceimagine i am him. I can be your Leonardo , Channing Tatum whatever you want me to be. But whoever is it, however it is, imagine it.’

‘I know what you want. Women don’t always come. I may not’. Its pathetic how i am reasoning. But at least i am making my point.

‘You have to..’

‘I already did!’

‘Its not the same thing.’

Men are weird creatures. Its strange how their brain is made to function. Sex and emotions can be two separate and complete different things. And they expect the same for us, to segregate it.. To imagine someone else while i am having sex with him. How is it even possible? We have an emotional bondage. You can’t put a blindfold on my eye and let my insecurities escape. You can’t manipulate my body into deceiving my brain or my heart.

But, what did i know?? Apparently you could. Close your eyes and vanish your problems away.

I came that day, over and over again. Not knowing who was on his mind or even mine.  And it was, the most revelling experience in my life..

 

 

 

 

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Will You Into My Will (Chapter 56)

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CAUTION. Only 18+ please. The following post contains explicit scene.

 

I wore a white gown.

Beautiful spotless white with many flowing layers of fabric on it. A part of it was covered in ruffles, dragging on to the floor as i walked in through the hall of the chapel anxiously, nervous, holding my dress careful not to step over and fall down on it. A soft pleasant piano music welcomed my arrival on the door and i gasped, looking at the crowd, that was eagerly waiting for me.  

I walked through the passage very tensed, excited, edgy’ i suppose, looking on my sides for some solace, gazing at individual faces that had come to celebrate my special moment. They smiled. And i returned their gesture with a beam of my own infinite happiness, almost tearing up, with all the  over flowing emotions that i was feeling.

 The pathway was adorned with big’ white, purple large ribbons, giant bouquets of roses and wild flowers on either sides. At the end of it was ‘Will’, the man i was going to take my vows with. ‘Till death do us apart’. If i could, i would have put  ‘Forever, never shall we part’. I wasn’t happy at all with the priests, giving no guarantee for all lives.

However, seeing Will, dressed up on a black suit with a red box on his hand as nervous as i was, i was relieved. I wanted to make a quick dash for him, running along the corridor, throwing my bouquet and my heels away as fast as i could, before he changed his mind. But, knowing, he was my destination, at the finish point of this narrow tortuous  lane, no matter what time it took me,  i had stayed calm. I had carried my bouquet, an assortment of dark red velvety  roses with a bunch of creamy white roses, as gracefully as i could. I was going to be the happiest bride in the world, and ‘He’ had to see that…

‘Look at me!’ Will’s harsh voice wakes me up into reality. All those fantasies, i had dreamt never had any prince on it.  

I stare at him. ‘How could i have come to this? How could i have not foreseen this? ‘ 

He pulls his boxers down. I don’t say anything. I don’t resist any more, i don’t try to run. I’m tired. And I’m tired of myself and everything.

He is hard. Engorged dilated veins.  Stagnant blood flushing on it..

I know, he is just going to fuck me and while doing that, make it as painful as it can be.

He moves in, wets his hard with his saliva and massaging his tip shoves it inside me, pushing his whole body against me. I flinch. He doesn’t care. He watches me as my eyes flood and overflow out of it’s corners.

They say you can judge how much a man really loves you on two places.  Either on your honeymoon bed or  on your deathbed.  I just discovered, mine, just wants sex.. 

 

Next thing i know, he is pacing his speed, increasing his pressure on me, making my insides sting more with pain till it starts to feel numb.

I steer my eyes away again, unable to make an eye contact with him, fixing my eyes at the half open door. ‘There is no pleasure without pain Cam. If you love me, you got to handle both’.  I recall his words. But what part of pleasure am i still seeking here, i don’t know. There is nothing here for me to gain,  but pain, pain and more pain..

The bed creeks to and fro. I can hear his moan getting louder and longer. But ironically what grabs my attention is the clock. Precise sharp metallic sound of the table clock standing  beside me, mocking me, laughing at me hysterically on my pitiful  state. Least  remorseful like Will was.  But, between two of them, i hated it  thousands folds less. So, it’s arrogance wasn’t something that bothered now, not at all.

While i observe it keenly, it moves it’s hand very slowly. The  seconds on it, taking forever to become minutes..

‘Look at me!!’ His hoarse voice breaks my attention. I ignore it.  ‘Look at me!’he shouts againforcing me to shift my gaze.

I’m angry.

So much angry that i want to hit him, kick him and  throw him out of the bed.  ‘Get it over with quickly then!!‘ I clench my teeth and sneer at him.

He doesn’t reply.

He doesn’t even bother to scowl at me anymore. Null, devoid of expression he proceeds, flexing over, putting his arms tightly around me and bringing his face closer to me, an inch away.. his lips almost touching mine and  his breath fuming hot on my face.

We stare at each other, without words. His eyes, i can see them smouldering with rage, unsatisfied, peering studiously, anchored at me.

Heavily, they change their expression now to confused, fearful, sad and tired..really tired.

His body stiffens. His legs throws a jerk. His muscles on hip start to twitch and a gush of liquid squirts with pressure inside me, filling my tunnels.

He slumps, trying to kiss me. I make sure he doesn’t. Ignoring it, he rests his head on my shoulders. His body flaccid over me, his wood soft now  still stuffing my insides.

I push him away. This time he lets me, unplugging my tunnel, dripping the  contents all over the sheet. Lazily, he then moves to the opposite side of the bed, cleans his area with his boxer, throws it away on the floor, grabs the blanket and drifts to sleep still naked. Within minutes i hear him snore.

Me?? I’m still awake. Paralysed. Wondering.. about so many things…I can’t catch my thoughts…. I can’t  explain what i’m going through.  I feel lost…. I feel helpless…

 

Will You Into My Will (Chapter 52)

CAUTION. Only 18+ please. The following post contains explicit scene.

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Our blankets fall on the floor, followed by remaining of our clothes. We crawl, turn and twist then, like two snakes, out on a cold winter day gliding over each other trying to preserve our thermal heat. Our kisses deepen and our hands start pursuits of their own to the forbidden spaces.

I stop now and then again, my lips departing from his only for moments, to cherish what that is truly mine. His skin reflects radiantly beside me, under the light shade of the lamp, like underneath his flesh are the thin sheets of glasses that trans illuminates the faintest of luminescence. And his hair is damp. It’s moisture locked  in, highlighting the intensity of colour inside  each individual strands, as though, they  were a mesh of soft fibres, woven out of slates of blackest charcoal. His eyes match to this, his hair, the depth of the color almost abstract to my precision.. drawing me in, luring me into his mysterious aura, engulfing me inside his concealed world.

He advances. His lips leaving behind a print of kisses as he goes, making me paralysed, receptive to his will. I shudder and flex my legs intuitively, pulling the sheets under my feet as he reaches my thighs and stops to kiss its insides.  Anxiety begins to strangle me in. ‘Do it..’ i whisper, high on oxytocin; the love-cuddle hormone flushing rampantly on their peak action, jostling in my channels.

He puts on the sheath and running his erection up and down the cleavage between my legs inserts it into my opening.

‘Damn that hurts’ I cry, wincing with pain.

And it did. It felt  like being stabbed with a blunt knife.. The pressure tearing up a part of my flesh, making way for an opening that i physically never felt before.

He tries it again. Still only half way through. My eyes starts watering. ‘Mia did say pain was to be expected, when she had her first with James….’ i try to recall. But she hadn’t mentioned  the extent. And whoever wrote that, it was painless and they didn’t feel a thing on the internet, now i knew were big bluffs. Either they were really drunk to remember,or were under drugs or had no pain receptors down there.

‘Are you alright?’ Will asks after a while, looking intently at me, noticing my wet eyes.

‘Alright’. I try to smile. And i was. Of course i wasn’t expecting it to be like  ‘Woooow’.. Because, every one knows the first  time sucks the most, yet you also remember the most. So it was important for me with who i was doing it. And it was Will. Could anyone  blame me for being so tolerant?  

‘Your tight’ he remarks, making a gentle hip movement again.

‘Are you..er…virgin Cam?’ he  asks confused,a little while later, unsure if it was the right thing to question me at all.

‘Dah..‘ i roll my eyes at him. Why was he asking me this?

‘Am sorry’ he apologises. ‘I just thought…’

‘You thought i am sleeping around!’. ‘Was it even the right time to have this conversation? Typical Men.’ My mood starts going down hill from there.

‘No. I’m sorry’ he apologises again. ‘You were dating..and i didn’t think you’d keep your promise..’

‘You are half way through my vagina’. I remind him, moving my hands to my face and to my hair. ‘I can’t believe this’. I sigh.  ‘Its painful do you know?’

He smiles and lands me a sweet kiss out of nowhere,hearing it. Then thrusting in me he replies,   ‘I know but that is just for first and second time i suppose. At least thats what i heard. After that, you will be asking for it’. He jokes.

‘I hope so. Cause your not helping at all’.

He chuckles. ‘I am being  as gentle as possible. Its hard to be patient with you’.

‘Yeah’ i make a face at him.

He puts me in a tight wrap then, curling over me. ‘Because i want you, and because you want me, you have to handle this’ he murmurs on my ear, pushing hard, deeper in my pelvis.

‘Because we will do it the next time, the next and the next’ he continues, arousing me back to the peak. His words, his voice so seductive , i was dissolving, feeling fluid, shapeless like water. 

In no time, my tunnel feels his full length blocking my exit and my pubic bone hits his, pressed underneath.

He motions then, stretching on his elbows on to and fro motion. His lips half open, breathing out and in, his eyes locked into mine..

Every movement is painful, every movement becomes pleasurable.

I curve and stretch under him. In no time, i learn his beat. And we are lost, finding each other, seeking a solace in our bodies.

‘I want to come’ he speaks, almost slowing down now, heavy in my arms.

I nod.

‘Won’t you ask me where?’ he says, holding my face into his hands.

‘Where?‘ i ask.

‘Inside you, without a sheath’.

I raise my brows.

‘Not this time of course’ he assures. Then curving his arms around my back, his fingers hinged against my shoulder blades, he rams in me again and again.

I bite. He moans. I bite harder. His legs extend, his muscles stiffens and then he limps.

We lie there exhausted, breathing hard. Our sweaty bodies against each other. His abdomen still pressed on mine, displacing my belly under his, as he takes in another gulp of air.

Love is beautiful. Love is painful, pleasurable, giving, demanding, carefree, obsessive, lonely, caring… Above all, love is thrilling; a bliss in the abyss of emptiness.