Will You Into My Will (Chapter 58)



I regretted my decision of ‘blasting my night out’ plan, as soon as i stepped in the pub. Ever seen a disco ball hanging down the ceiling of a library? I looked that disoriented to time and place in here. Over hyped and over dressed; for a small country club filled with men, majority of them on their sweat shirts and trekking shoes. Without any doubts, with my open back, V neck plunging down to my almost non existent cleavage on front and see through net just covering my bellybutton, i looked like a hooker to them.

‘So much effort for nothing! What happened to all the party and all the hot people they had in here last time??’ I frown, devastated at my crumbled expectations.

Thank God for the bartender though, who looked cute and kind enough to spare me a smile, i calm myself down.  ‘No problem. There is my company..’ I tell myself, refusing to go back to that sickening feeling of standing next to Will, marching my steps towards the last ray of hope glimmering dimly next to shelves full of bottles. ‘Why is it that, all the good things in the world come with a big price tag? Like all roses come with prickly thorns? Will came with his Fiancee, Brandon came with Mia and now, the bar tender is standing with alcohol!! Not just one but with hundreds on display. Lord help my liver..’ I pray,  pulling out a chair before settling down in front of him.

‘What would you like?’ He asks me cheerfully.

‘Anything you would recommend.‘ I reply looking at him with a flirtatious grin.

Bingo! He grins too. As frisky as i was looking and feeling, i was happy he did.  After all, my devotion for next few hours was entirely going to be on him. Solely and full heartedly. Tonight i was a free spirit, bound to no one’s beck and call. Oh wait! i never was and i never will!” I remind myself, feeling proud at my decision of leaving Will anytime soon, without a penny worth of feeling  harbouring in me.

The bar tender pours me a glass of Gin, ‘a cocktail’ of Gin and lemon drink. I don’t question him any further than the recipe, complimenting on the taste, afraid of appearing too naive. But he  didn’t seem to care about it either and was more  interested in adding to the conversation plate than digging in the details,  for which i was more than grateful to him.

“Gin tastes similar to vodka i think. Although both are colourless, i found Gin has got a distinct touch of a flavour on it. I really can’t tell which but its got one, that makes it stand out between the two. So, I think i like gin more than vodka. I think..”

‘Here is  one on the house for the beautiful lady’ the bartender puts forward another cocktail for me flashing his dazzling smiles on a row.

 ‘I don’t think that will be enough for me to heal up my broken heart Ethan..’ I whine playfully at him, making a disappointed face having heard about his girlfriend and 4 long years of committed relationship. However, casting my dis pleasure aside, i manage to  pull a smile for him and raise my glass on the air wishing him all the luck i could give. ‘Cheers to you and your love life’!! I say, praying in my heart that someday.. someday  i ended up with someone as cool and as loyal as him as well.

I sip my third glass very slowly. From my previous experience, i knew two glasses of vodka was enough to knock me out but ‘Gin’ i didn’t know.

The old pendulum clock on the wall strikes 12 times as i sit there  holding a glass  of my own on the bar. People come and go. I watch Ethan take orders, hand them their pints and print the receipts. Simultaneously  I watch the customers make their orders, take their drinks and pay the bill.

More than 2 hours or so of being a bystander with nothing to do,  but watch Ethan’s monotonous routine, i start to quiver, feeling like old men they cased on movie shows. Those who were depressed, hopeless and had nothing  in life to look forward to, than drown themselves to death on alcohol. Those who were always in lookout for company to crack their dark non humorous jokes that no one understood. 

 Sitting there i start to  wonder about  many things.. About the lives of few people i had seen, who had drank too much and ruined everything they had. I start to question, why hadn’t they set a limit for themselves? And if they did, why they had fallen back to  drinking again?  ‘Could it be that they felt, alcohol helped with their problems? ” I ask  my subconscious self, genuinely trying to plough for answers.

Ever listened to a drunk man speak?

Not for minutes but at least about for an hour? Here is what happens. They talk crap at first, nothing but verbal diarrhoea.  But as they get in more involved with the topic, they start making more sense. They start talking like they have been enlightened. Like if they know all the answers to all the problems in the world except for their own of course.. And 3 glasses cocktail down my stomach, I was feeling  the same.  May be a bit different, in a sense, I knew my options clearer than they did and i knew what i had to do next. “I had  to go back. Take my suitcase right away. Throw his, on the river where he could never find them. And before i leave, hit him with one of my shoes on his face!” 

I take in a sip again, laughing at myself. It seemed like a good idea..

Oddly the burning sensation on my throat that comes with each sip has now passed away. My tongue has become too thick, too anaesthetised to read the flavour.  My glass of cocktail no longer is bitter nor sweet, its tasteless, utterly tasteless like water.

Disgruntled, gulping all the remains, i leave the glass empty in no time, ordering in for  another shot, this time, a neat vodka.

Ethan raises his eye brows. Yet, without complaining he takes in my glass.  ‘Are all drunkards heartbroken Ethan?’ i ask, watching him pour vodka, after reminding me it was my last for the night. ‘He is so cute’ i flutter, feeling cared for hearing him warn me, my comment to self  coming out aloud before i could stop it. ‘Ooooops’ i squeak then, flushing to cherry in seconds. He laughs too, putting back the new bottle to the shelf.

 ‘Open a bottle of alcohol alone and you are officially a drunkard’ My mom’s words, blows a trumpet in my ears as i take in my shot , its sharp burning taste exciting my taste buds again.  ‘Of course i am not a drunkard!!‘ i defend talking out aloud, to my self- imaginative voice of hers.

Past 1 at morning and i still hang out at the bar,  sitting there like an annoying mosquito, half sedated by the repellent spray, buzzing, clueless of my pitiful status.

‘Pick up your phone darling. Surely things aren’t that bad’ Ethan urges me to answer my call, hearing  my cellphone phone vibrate on the bag.

‘Not so important like you..’ I reply smiling at him playfully again. At which Ethan replies with playful gesture too.

Ethan is understanding that way. He knows i’m just looking for a company to drink my night out with. Its like he can see me through more than what i am showing on surface.. So, i like him. Maybe a little too much for our first meeting. But, yes.   He is amazing. And he has a comfortable aura to him, sort of like  Brandon has.

Brandon..’     I submerge back into thinking again at a thought of that name.

‘Carem you’ve got to speak to him. Tell him anything. Lie to him. Fake it to him. Pretend. Whatever. But make him believe that you haven’t left him. He is going nuts here.‘ I recall Mia’s words, what she had said to me when she had called me the night before yesterday.

Panicked, i had then dialled Brandon’s number, but the computer had kept sending me to his voice message system. The day after  in the morning,  i had called him once again.  And finally after 5 days, Brandon and I were reconnected. As soon as he had picked up the call, he had barged me with tens of questions on one breath, to which i had replied very calmly, assuring him that  i will be back by the end of this week.  I had questioned then probing gently about his whereabouts, mentioning him that he should go back and everyone were worried about him.  He had convinced me that he would and  also pinched in all the details of his missing days for my note without me questioning about it .

Apparently, Brandon had stayed a night at his cousins the day before. And the day after that, he had gone to a club, got so drunk with them that he had woken up on the sidewalks of the road.

‘Hey, Carem. Are you alright?’ A nudge on my shoulder shakes me  back from my depressing thoughts to my depressing reality. ‘Oh No..’ i sigh. Choking in thoughts is still a better option for me, no matter who puts it in and in what way, than being strangled in reality.

‘Are you alright?’ the dark haired man, holding a cycle helmet asks me again, approaching closer coming front to front so that i can see his face.

‘Yeah..I am Matt.’ I reply, clearing my throat, trying to sound not-so-drunk.  But who am i kidding? He probably already knows.. i’m a disco ball tonight. Remember?

‘5 pints of ale for each on that table please’ Matt puts in his order to Ethan, pointing at a big table on the corner of the pub. I look too, like Ethan did at the direction he pointed. ‘Hey Carem,‘ remaining of the men from Matt’s table ‘my neighbours’, all raise together their hands on  air. I blush. This was the last place i wanted to meet them especially not in this state.

‘What would you like?‘ Matt asks me, after i was done waving back very shyly.

‘Enough for today for the lady’ Ethan speaks for me, winking his eye. I smile thankfully.

‘You heard him Matt. I had too much for today.’ I reply, blushing off again. ‘This was hopelessly embarrassing. They were my neighbours for god sake!’

Hmm if you say so Carem. But at least join us on our table..’ he insists.

‘May be i should head home now Matt. I have been here too long tonight’ i reply, trying not to sound rude.

‘But we just came. And we are neighbours’  he tries to persuade me again.

‘oh well ok..’ i agree, looking at Ethan. He nods too looking at Matt.

‘Just in case though, whats your number?’ Ethan asks taking out his cellphone from the  drawer.

I almost jump with excitement like a little girl on hearing him. Do you know that feeling of  making a first friend in a new school? One that is both cool and popular. Well i felt that way.   ‘Here! Save your number and give a call in yours’ i reply him, handing him my phone, my anxiety clearly ringing on my voice; staring at his sleek fingers, adoringly type his name and number on my contact list.

Ethan and I were friends starting today..and i assume ‘we will be’ for a very very long time.





Will You Into My Will (Chapter 56)



CAUTION. Only 18+ please. The following post contains explicit scene.


I wore a white gown.

Beautiful spotless white with many flowing layers of fabric on it. A part of it was covered in ruffles, dragging on to the floor as i walked in through the hall of the chapel anxiously, nervous, holding my dress careful not to step over and fall down on it. A soft pleasant piano music welcomed my arrival on the door and i gasped, looking at the crowd, that was eagerly waiting for me.  

I walked through the passage very tensed, excited, edgy’ i suppose, looking on my sides for some solace, gazing at individual faces that had come to celebrate my special moment. They smiled. And i returned their gesture with a beam of my own infinite happiness, almost tearing up, with all the  over flowing emotions that i was feeling.

 The pathway was adorned with big’ white, purple large ribbons, giant bouquets of roses and wild flowers on either sides. At the end of it was ‘Will’, the man i was going to take my vows with. ‘Till death do us apart’. If i could, i would have put  ‘Forever, never shall we part’. I wasn’t happy at all with the priests, giving no guarantee for all lives.

However, seeing Will, dressed up on a black suit with a red box on his hand as nervous as i was, i was relieved. I wanted to make a quick dash for him, running along the corridor, throwing my bouquet and my heels away as fast as i could, before he changed his mind. But, knowing, he was my destination, at the finish point of this narrow tortuous  lane, no matter what time it took me,  i had stayed calm. I had carried my bouquet, an assortment of dark red velvety  roses with a bunch of creamy white roses, as gracefully as i could. I was going to be the happiest bride in the world, and ‘He’ had to see that…

‘Look at me!’ Will’s harsh voice wakes me up into reality. All those fantasies, i had dreamt never had any prince on it.  

I stare at him. ‘How could i have come to this? How could i have not foreseen this? ‘ 

He pulls his boxers down. I don’t say anything. I don’t resist any more, i don’t try to run. I’m tired. And I’m tired of myself and everything.

He is hard. Engorged dilated veins.  Stagnant blood flushing on it..

I know, he is just going to fuck me and while doing that, make it as painful as it can be.

He moves in, wets his hard with his saliva and massaging his tip shoves it inside me, pushing his whole body against me. I flinch. He doesn’t care. He watches me as my eyes flood and overflow out of it’s corners.

They say you can judge how much a man really loves you on two places.  Either on your honeymoon bed or  on your deathbed.  I just discovered, mine, just wants sex.. 


Next thing i know, he is pacing his speed, increasing his pressure on me, making my insides sting more with pain till it starts to feel numb.

I steer my eyes away again, unable to make an eye contact with him, fixing my eyes at the half open door. ‘There is no pleasure without pain Cam. If you love me, you got to handle both’.  I recall his words. But what part of pleasure am i still seeking here, i don’t know. There is nothing here for me to gain,  but pain, pain and more pain..

The bed creeks to and fro. I can hear his moan getting louder and longer. But ironically what grabs my attention is the clock. Precise sharp metallic sound of the table clock standing  beside me, mocking me, laughing at me hysterically on my pitiful  state. Least  remorseful like Will was.  But, between two of them, i hated it  thousands folds less. So, it’s arrogance wasn’t something that bothered now, not at all.

While i observe it keenly, it moves it’s hand very slowly. The  seconds on it, taking forever to become minutes..

‘Look at me!!’ His hoarse voice breaks my attention. I ignore it.  ‘Look at me!’he shouts againforcing me to shift my gaze.

I’m angry.

So much angry that i want to hit him, kick him and  throw him out of the bed.  ‘Get it over with quickly then!!‘ I clench my teeth and sneer at him.

He doesn’t reply.

He doesn’t even bother to scowl at me anymore. Null, devoid of expression he proceeds, flexing over, putting his arms tightly around me and bringing his face closer to me, an inch away.. his lips almost touching mine and  his breath fuming hot on my face.

We stare at each other, without words. His eyes, i can see them smouldering with rage, unsatisfied, peering studiously, anchored at me.

Heavily, they change their expression now to confused, fearful, sad and tired..really tired.

His body stiffens. His legs throws a jerk. His muscles on hip start to twitch and a gush of liquid squirts with pressure inside me, filling my tunnels.

He slumps, trying to kiss me. I make sure he doesn’t. Ignoring it, he rests his head on my shoulders. His body flaccid over me, his wood soft now  still stuffing my insides.

I push him away. This time he lets me, unplugging my tunnel, dripping the  contents all over the sheet. Lazily, he then moves to the opposite side of the bed, cleans his area with his boxer, throws it away on the floor, grabs the blanket and drifts to sleep still naked. Within minutes i hear him snore.

Me?? I’m still awake. Paralysed. Wondering.. about so many things…I can’t catch my thoughts…. I can’t  explain what i’m going through.  I feel lost…. I feel helpless…


Will You Into My Will (Chapter 55)


We didn’t talk much on dinner today. Will’s eyes were settled on reading some magazines the whole the time we sat together. Occasionally, he lifted his head to look at me, but that was just it. No words. He was  treating me like some stranger, he had just picked on a highway.

After i got back to bed having brushed my teeth, i realised he was still awake. I was hoping he’d be asleep because i wanted to avoid his interrogation, which i knew for sure he was waiting to have with me. 

I slip inside the blankets silently, pretending i didn’t notice him stare at me. But then he gave me no choice, ‘You are late’ he commented.

‘Oh you are still up?’ i question, pulling up an innocent front.

‘Well, Goodnight baby’. I give a kiss on his cheek before he could reply, turning to opposite side, to face away from his  probing look.

He doesn’t reply. I feel a chill on back of my neck, from his cold stare.

‘Beep’. My cell phone vibrates with incoming message alert.

‘Not again. Oh God’ I panick mentally, struggling to reach for my phone.

‘I will take that’ Will snatches it from my hand within seconds. And before i can say anything, he reads it.

‘Who is it from?’ i stammer.

‘No one we should be worrying about’ he replies, tucking cellphone away under his pillow.

I look at him and the pillow, under which my cell phone beeps two more times with new messages.

‘Come here’ he says, pinning me to the bed. His both hands against my wrists. ‘You have important things to worry about’. 

Who was it Will?.’ I ask again.

No reply. He keeps his silence, moving towards the foot end of our bed dragging on his knees, appearing aloof, drawing away my blankets  as he does so. I shiver. I am nervous. I know this pattern. I have seen him like this before. This is the side of him, i am scared of.. 

Folding my legs on to my knees, he pushes away my t shirt exposing my belly. ‘Will’ i call, more loud this time. He proceeds, absent-minded, his hand movements controlled, robotic, removing my under wear.

Lifting my hip up then he puts a cushion underneath me, inclining me at an angle. Moving closer, he attempts to part my legs. I resist, vigorously.

He scowls, again, for more than a fifth time, gripping firmly on my hands and pressing my legs. For the first time now, i understand ‘his silent treatment’.  He is angry. He is jealous. It is Brandon who was texting me and whatever he wrote, was not to his liking.

‘Oh God’ i sigh. ‘I don’t want to feel what i felt the  last time..’.

He remains hushed.

He observes my expression intently, tight-lipped while  manipulating me around. Still looking, without breaking his eye contact for seconds, he then puts his fingers to his mouth sucks on them for  a while and advances them to my opening between my legs. He is intimidating me.. he knows it. But he doesn’t mind. He is too full of hatred, lust, anger and of himself..

Up and down, round and round, in and out, his fingers run without a break, inside me, till he thrusts them deeper in me with a sharp force.  ‘Stop it!’ i scream. ‘Open your legs then’ he snaps. ‘Lets just fuck. That’s how i like doing you!’


Its paralysing to hear such despicable words from the man you love.. I give away. If its only body that he wants, he can have it. I am not stopping him. 

One moment, I love this man like i could love nothing else in world and  the other moment i hate him, hate him from the very pits of my heart!






Will You Into My Will (Chapter 54)


Its a shame how we could really love someone with all our heart and never know, never really be sure of how they feel about us. They may mean a whole world to us and what we do, how we talk, how we feel..all of our actions, our hopes, plans and future may entirely revolve around them; but for them, we might mean nothing, nothing at all.

I find it frustrating to depend on just mere words, non verbal cues and assumptions to feel emotionally secure. What i don’t own, may never be mine or perhaps isn’t mine or was never mine. How can i rest in peace with thoughts like that? 

Will is sleeping next to me. Even with his face this close, his warm breath blowing on my face, I feel unsettled. ‘He loves me, He loves me not’. How can one not be selfish to want to hold to him for life, when all i care, want and dream about.. lying right next to him is, ‘Him’. How can i not be greedy, when i can’t reason out  my own self from thinking that no one will keep him happier  and no one will love him more other than me.

‘ I am your person, look at me Will.’

‘Love and don’t expect’. Whoever said it, definitely didn’t know a crap about love. 

Is it possible to love some one and never want to hold them? Is it  love, if you haven’t brought up  enough guts to confess while shaking on your knees ? Can it be love, if you aren’t awake on middle of night, planning and  skimming to make your ‘perfect together’? Do you really believe, you could love someone without any expectations..?

I sigh reading the text message in Will’s cellphone. It read ‘love you and miss you’ from Ressica, his fiancee. And a reply ‘Me too’ from Will, for all the 4 days we have been together.

I don’t know what to do about it. I feel displaced. Like an outcast, intruder in a place where i don’t belong.. If this was a fairy tale, i surely am the evil witch  every one loaths. 

I run my fingers through Will’s face, across his forehead, along the border of his nose to his lips and to the chin.

‘This is the face, i’m in love with..’

He is heart throbbing beautiful. Its frustrating that he can’t see through my eyes how i see him. Its infuriating, that i can’t say the right words to win him over..

He is with me, but he isn’t with me at all.  


‘Hey, stop staring at me. I can’t sleep anymore’. Will mumbles, fluttering  his eyelids lazily.

‘Can’t do’.

‘Why?’. He flutters them again  at me.

‘Don’t know. Maybe cause you look so good when you are sleeping’.

‘Try sleeping. Come here’.

Exactly the words i have been dying to hear. It disheartens me sometimes to think, how for his ample attention i suffer.

Digging my face flat on his chest, i move in closer.

‘I don’t milk, do i ?’ he laughs, pecking a kiss on my forehead, when i nibble on his nipple.

I know‘ i reply, turning over, pressing my back against him and pulling his arm around me. ‘Can’t help my instincts.‘ 

Will chuckles.

I love that sound, i have always loved it, i don’t know why.

I close my eyes, feeling the weight of my lashes heavy on my lids. Its  5am in the morning. We are late birds, not exactly Will but I’m contagious. My lethal dose of laziness strikes everyone.

But in no time I open my eyes again. My head bends on my sides, feeling tender kisses of my partner’s  lips on my shoulders and once again for a thousandth time, my heart starts pounding fast.. oddly enough in strange places.



We set out  to explore the wonders of Scottish highlands, this time with a group of other holiday backpackers arranged by our tour guide. On our way, we see Matt and  his four friends cycling past through the unhostile road. They swing their hands on air, one by one , waving ‘bye-bye’ at us.

We had a good time.

Most of us were young couples so it was easy to start a chit-chat. Everyone were friendly and enthusiastic. By the time our 6 hours of hike was done, we were exchanging numbers and email addressees.

Will wasn’t at good mood when  we returned to our cabin. He wasn’t throwing fits or showing his usual tantrums but, he was being peculiarly very silent. There was no verbal reply to any of my queries, except nodding ‘Yes’ or ‘No’. 

Needless to say it made me nervous to see him behave like that. Especially when i had a clue, what might have ticked him off and it wasn’t a good one.


‘I’m tired. Should i just put the beans, sausages and bread for dinner?’ i shout out from the kitchen, once i settle in the chair, exhausted, without taking off my shoes.

‘Anything’ Will replies from the door, startling me, his voice right behind me, his eyes scowling at me.

‘You scared me..’ i stammer, looking at him.

‘I will take  a shower’. He walks off, without caring to calm me down , his eyes still scowling at me from corner of his eyes.

I hate it when he is elusive like that, when i can’t tell what he is thinking… I would give up anything if only i could read his mind for a day and understand, what really goes through that head of his. Anything’






Will You Into My Will (Chapter 53)


‘How are you?’ Will asks me rubbing his eyes in the morning, seeing me return back to the bed after attending to my nature call. ‘Other than the feeling that there is a big gape in my bottoms and my womb might fall out from there anytime i attempt to cough, and a burning sensation when i pee, plus  the soreness in my lady part down there, I am completely fine. ‘ I reply, over exaggerating my symptoms.

‘Awww..’ Will expresses his sympathy sweetly, cuddling me in, allowing me to rest my  back against his chest.  This is why i over exaggerate, you see. I’m a sucker for his attention. 

‘How sore?’ he asks.

‘From 1 to 10, about 7’.

‘That is not much. How about we do it again and we make it 10?’ He raises his brow, feeling frisky.

‘What?  You don’t really love me, do you?’. I roll my eyes at him.

‘I do. I do. But you got to understand how i express my love’. He jokes.

‘You don’t know how to love’.

‘You might want to take that back..’ He laughs, his laughter resonating alluringly in my ears.

He kisses me softly then on both of my hands, bringing them closer together, trying to prove his point.

‘Ok Ok i see now, you are a gentleman’. I give in.

He laughs again, pulling me tighter in his arms.

‘So tell me, how does losing V feels like?.’ He  asks absent mindedly after a while of playing with my hair, rubbing the dry blood stain on our sheet with his fingers.

‘Don’t do it!’ I pat his hand roughly, to stop him from showcasing his weird behaviour. Unsure now about how i should  respond to his query, i mumble hesitantly ‘Losing V huh? I don’t know..Like its done i suppose. Nothing different’.

‘Uh huh..’. He looks at me, expecting more words, his head bent all over to my side.

‘Er, something like..am a grown up now and i know the big thing Sex…’ I reply again. ‘Anyways how did you feel your first time?’ i divert the question to him.

‘Same thing.’ he answers reluctantly. ‘And special’.

‘Me too.‘ I immediately respond back, hearing his answer, understanding now what he wanted to hear.

‘I am glad my first is you. I would have wanted no one else’. I confess to him, kissing softly dorsum of his hand, curling my fingers into his long slender bones.

‘Do i know her?’i ask; regretting soon later, wanting to withdraw my question.

Too late.

‘Yes’ he replies.


We plan to stay the whole day indoors that day, lazy and laid back lying next to each other, catching up to our missed conversations and having a time off, all for ourselves.

We begin by preparing pasta for our early meal. ‘Good breakfast is important’. Our views match on that. Will does the cooking part and i arrange the things for him, being his wing man. His culinary skills surprises me.  ‘If a man can cook, keep him’, every woman  would agree with me at this point. And especially with Will, i wasn’t planning to be an exception either.

We spend a couple of hours, watching online movies thereafter. ‘Ice age and Madagascar’. Heard of those? Apparently Will had not. No big shock there. He is the type who likes action and  thrillers. Once in a while, he will adjust to  romantic movies, but animations? He wasn’t a big fan. Not because he had seen and didn’t like one but because he had a pre fixed concept that ‘they are for children’. And this often infuriated me. However, today next to me, he had no option. And he was being smart enough, not to make a fuss out of it.

Our first show for the day was ‘Ice age’. Although Will did give an opinion at start, that animation didn’t feel anything real like the movies to him. Past fifteen minutes down the show, he was completely swayed away by the sloth character. ‘Look at him, he is so stupid and funny’ he wouldn’t stop commenting then on every next thing he did. The second was  Madagascar of course, which he found even more hilarious, with funny penguins  and a twisted love story plot between a giraffe and the hippo. ‘Ever thought, what would they give birth to? Try to imagine that…’ he spoke, roaring into laughter.

I had never seen Will like this before. The one i was acquainted to was reserve.. You could never tell what he was thinking of. One moment he would be pulling you towards him and the next moment he would push you 10 feet far. He was smart, confident, kind,  funny, many times confusing, ill tempered and often a jerk. But never so childish, carefree and open..

Understanding this side of him was making me feel more comfortable now, putting thoughts in my head about numerous  possibilities, that may be…Maybe, i did not need to pretend to be some sophisticated adult with him. Maybe, i could just open out about me, be honest with him and he would understand. And maybe, things wouldn’t be as bleak as of now in near future. However, i did not want to risk any chances with him. My subconscious was warning me not to..Cautioning me that  marching my queen out on an open field would be a  foolish move only to be taken down shamelessly by the troops now. ‘Wait. Be Patient..’ it said, for I had vested too much to back out, to wreck down things on my own.

We decide to visit our new favorite eating place then for lunch, ‘The Tavern’ that we  had discovered on our second day here.

On our way out, we see one of our neighbours sitting on the front porch, soaking on the afternoon sun. ‘Hey’ i greet him, as Will locks in our main door. ‘Hey’ the man replies, more of a boy, judging by his haircut and the outfit.

‘I am Carem’ i speak, extending my hand above the fence. ‘And this is Will. Nice to meet you’.

‘Nice to meet you too. I am Matt.’ the boy replies, taking off his sunglasses and shaking my hands and then Wills.

‘I don’t see anyone else at home today’.

Oh yeah. Everyone is out cycling. I was not feeling well, so i stayed back‘ he replies, noticing me look at his loner cycle in their usual  parking lot. ‘You guys headed out?’ he asks.

‘Yeah, to the tavern for lunch. Want us to bring something back for you?’

‘No. No. Thank you very much for asking though’. Matt replies gleefully.

In no time, we are driving then to our destination with ‘Haggies and Tatties’ in our head. After our first course with delicious sausage and potato cuisine, we dig in next to Scottish pudding and a pie. By the time, we were done clearing our plates, both of us could barely sit up straight. Embarrassingly, I even had to un botton my jeans to help me breathe. Thank god for my long tshirt, i realized later that i didn’t even have to worry about wearing it, at all. What a relief! As for Will, when he noticed me walk out of the ladies room only on my tshirt with  my over inflated belly perfectly camouflaged under the stripe patterns of my T, he couldn’t help but whimper. ‘This world is cruel place for men’ he said, his lips curled up, pursed together in an uneasy frown ‘Neither do i have legs like that nor do i have clothes like that. And even if i did, what is between my legs would probably ruin the scene and give nightmares to many’














Will You Into My Will (Chapter 52)

CAUTION. Only 18+ please. The following post contains explicit scene.


Our blankets fall on the floor, followed by remaining of our clothes. We crawl, turn and twist then, like two snakes, out on a cold winter day gliding over each other trying to preserve our thermal heat. Our kisses deepen and our hands start pursuits of their own to the forbidden spaces.

I stop now and then again, my lips departing from his only for moments, to cherish what that is truly mine. His skin reflects radiantly beside me, under the light shade of the lamp, like underneath his flesh are the thin sheets of glasses that trans illuminates the faintest of luminescence. And his hair is damp. It’s moisture locked  in, highlighting the intensity of colour inside  each individual strands, as though, they  were a mesh of soft fibres, woven out of slates of blackest charcoal. His eyes match to this, his hair, the depth of the color almost abstract to my precision.. drawing me in, luring me into his mysterious aura, engulfing me inside his concealed world.

He advances. His lips leaving behind a print of kisses as he goes, making me paralysed, receptive to his will. I shudder and flex my legs intuitively, pulling the sheets under my feet as he reaches my thighs and stops to kiss its insides.  Anxiety begins to strangle me in. ‘Do it..’ i whisper, high on oxytocin; the love-cuddle hormone flushing rampantly on their peak action, jostling in my channels.

He puts on the sheath and running his erection up and down the cleavage between my legs inserts it into my opening.

‘Damn that hurts’ I cry, wincing with pain.

And it did. It felt  like being stabbed with a blunt knife.. The pressure tearing up a part of my flesh, making way for an opening that i physically never felt before.

He tries it again. Still only half way through. My eyes starts watering. ‘Mia did say pain was to be expected, when she had her first with James….’ i try to recall. But she hadn’t mentioned  the extent. And whoever wrote that, it was painless and they didn’t feel a thing on the internet, now i knew were big bluffs. Either they were really drunk to remember,or were under drugs or had no pain receptors down there.

‘Are you alright?’ Will asks after a while, looking intently at me, noticing my wet eyes.

‘Alright’. I try to smile. And i was. Of course i wasn’t expecting it to be like  ‘Woooow’.. Because, every one knows the first  time sucks the most, yet you also remember the most. So it was important for me with who i was doing it. And it was Will. Could anyone  blame me for being so tolerant?  

‘Your tight’ he remarks, making a gentle hip movement again.

‘Are you..er…virgin Cam?’ he  asks confused,a little while later, unsure if it was the right thing to question me at all.

‘Dah..‘ i roll my eyes at him. Why was he asking me this?

‘Am sorry’ he apologises. ‘I just thought…’

‘You thought i am sleeping around!’. ‘Was it even the right time to have this conversation? Typical Men.’ My mood starts going down hill from there.

‘No. I’m sorry’ he apologises again. ‘You were dating..and i didn’t think you’d keep your promise..’

‘You are half way through my vagina’. I remind him, moving my hands to my face and to my hair. ‘I can’t believe this’. I sigh.  ‘Its painful do you know?’

He smiles and lands me a sweet kiss out of nowhere,hearing it. Then thrusting in me he replies,   ‘I know but that is just for first and second time i suppose. At least thats what i heard. After that, you will be asking for it’. He jokes.

‘I hope so. Cause your not helping at all’.

He chuckles. ‘I am being  as gentle as possible. Its hard to be patient with you’.

‘Yeah’ i make a face at him.

He puts me in a tight wrap then, curling over me. ‘Because i want you, and because you want me, you have to handle this’ he murmurs on my ear, pushing hard, deeper in my pelvis.

‘Because we will do it the next time, the next and the next’ he continues, arousing me back to the peak. His words, his voice so seductive , i was dissolving, feeling fluid, shapeless like water. 

In no time, my tunnel feels his full length blocking my exit and my pubic bone hits his, pressed underneath.

He motions then, stretching on his elbows on to and fro motion. His lips half open, breathing out and in, his eyes locked into mine..

Every movement is painful, every movement becomes pleasurable.

I curve and stretch under him. In no time, i learn his beat. And we are lost, finding each other, seeking a solace in our bodies.

‘I want to come’ he speaks, almost slowing down now, heavy in my arms.

I nod.

‘Won’t you ask me where?’ he says, holding my face into his hands.

‘Where?‘ i ask.

‘Inside you, without a sheath’.

I raise my brows.

‘Not this time of course’ he assures. Then curving his arms around my back, his fingers hinged against my shoulder blades, he rams in me again and again.

I bite. He moans. I bite harder. His legs extend, his muscles stiffens and then he limps.

We lie there exhausted, breathing hard. Our sweaty bodies against each other. His abdomen still pressed on mine, displacing my belly under his, as he takes in another gulp of air.

Love is beautiful. Love is painful, pleasurable, giving, demanding, carefree, obsessive, lonely, caring… Above all, love is thrilling; a bliss in the abyss of emptiness. 












Will You Into my Will (Chapter 51)


Our tour guide was a very pleasant person. In addition, to our  advantage, he was a free lance photographer as well. So, not only did he lead our ways through the bewildering vista of valleys, rocks and rivers, sharing with us some fascinating history, folklore and tits bits about the place. But, he also took some amazing photos of us, locked inside each other’s arms.  Our presence, so beautiful together that it blended effortlessly with the scenery he captured.

By the time, he had left us at our door despite our insistent invitation for dinner, it was 7pm on the clock. The bicycles were  parked out on our neighbour’s lawn already, bicycle locks neatly secured on all 5 of them. This meant our adrenaline junkie, young group of neighbours were home too, which made me excited. For it was actually the first time, Will and i, were seeing the physical evidence that they exsist, beside the occasional noises we heard when they laughed out aloud or shouted some funny names to each other. ‘Early birds and late bed warmers’ that’s what we called them.   


I step out of my bathroom on my robe and into our room. It had been a tiring day and nothing felt so refreshing than a hot bath, soaking my body into a tub full of warm water for a full 20 minutes. My muscles were relaxed, my body ache was gone, my skin felt very supple and my mind was at ease..

However, what i see next completely over exerts my system again.

For my heart skips it’s beat for a jiff  before tuning back into it’s momentum and my eyes widens, to adjust, to capture what i was perceiving. My mouth gapes open, half drawn by the gravity below, utterly unaware of my action and my lungs stops ventilating, depriving my neurons of it’s precious oxygen.

Will sits there on the bed, his eyes fixed at his cell phone, not noticing me. His fingers slide the screen, above and below as i stare at him, scrolling lazily, scanning for any interesting contents available.  With his upper torso bare, he rests against the pillow on the wall. Relaxed, his right knee is semi flexed supporting the arm and his left leg is straight, covered only half it’s length by  our sheets.

Our table lamp illuminates beside him. It’s light just enough to cast a yellowish-orange hue onto his skin, least bothered of the thick darkness surrounding him, as if, it is beguiled too by his appearance.

I stand awestruck.

Its a Dejavu.. A scene cropped out of my wildest fantasy waiting to happen. He is a character out of my most vivid imagination, waiting to become real..

I undo my robe still in trance, enraptured by him.  It slides down my legs swiftly to the ground  without making a sound.

He lifts his head. Surprised, his eyes fixes into mine, then  drifts away slowly to my almost naked body, covered only on my bottom with a black Lacey cloth.

‘Are you okay?‘ he whispers, once I slither on him. My arms tightening around his torso. ‘No. I am in Love’. My  reply comes out as a helpless cry.

He smiles wholeheartedly.  ‘You sure are feeling clingy today’ he chuckles.  Then landing me a warm smooch on lips. ‘Here’ he says.

‘I want more.. ‘ I push back my lips. Of course, as hormonal as i was feeling, a little kiss was hardly going to turn me off.

‘Love me… I cannot wait anymore.’ i breathe out, touching his lips with my fingers.

The pleasure of hearing me plead sparkles in his eyes.

‘Patience baby’ he taunts me, knowing, it was going to make me more restless. ‘Remember we still need to complete our  talk before we get things more complicated..’ he adds, reminding me of what i told him the other night.


‘I don’t care anymore!’. I almost wail.

 ‘I have  a need. Desperate need.’ I mumble, lowering my voice, feeling the pain of his subtle refusal stab my back now. This wasn’t the first time he was refusing my open invitation.. I still hadn’t forgotten.

‘Hey’ he calls me, noticing me slouch, holding my chin and bringing my face closer to his. ‘How much hungry are you?’.

‘You have no idea’ i reply, locking my eyes with him, my passion on wild fire flickering behind my dark lenses.