Will You Into My Will (Chapter 14)

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‘Are you bored?’ Will asks, giving me a tap on my shoulder as he sees me in Starbucks cafe. ‘Not really. I just arrived 15 minutes ago or so.. i knew you’d be late’ i lie,trying my best to hide, the vertical creases between my brows. I sip in to my 5th cup of coffee as he orders one for himself, that now starts to taste bitter like the last dose of acetaminophen i had.

‘I had to be in this urgent meeting, something to do with annual statistics and stuffs. I am sorry’ he apologizes. ‘It’s ok’ i reply, seemingly least bothered.

‘So what is our plan teddy?’he pitches in, rather guarded, noticing the stress on my tone.

‘Good’ i remark inside my head. ‘It was movie but since we are 1 hour late. Nothing for now. You can do whatever you want’. I bark.

‘Don’t be like that Carem.. I am struggling here with my Job. The market is tough. We are having issues with our new product launches and in addition,now, i also have to deal with shitty conflicts between board members and what not. You know how  difficult it is..’he pleads

‘I don’t know’ i give him a blunt reply. ‘You should know how to manage your time well.You have 24 hours in a day, i asked you for 4 hours and you can’t even manage that. It’s one day  in a week. Just one day’.  I shoot.

‘I know.That’s why I am sorry. There is so much going in my life right now. I can’t seem to balance my personal life and working life..’

‘May be then you should throw that engagement ring off. A man like you should know, how important your career is for now’ i yap, staring at his platinum ring that engraved the name ‘Ressica’.

‘Don’t bring her in between us..please’ he begs, again.

‘Why not? You are making me!!She seems like a real catch. Why are you cheating her with me behind her back??’ i roar.

‘I am not cheating her with you. I am in love with you..It’s a different thing now’ he answers.His tone gentle as he trails off.  ‘Beside you always knew what you were in with me…’ he adds.

He is right. I always knew, what i was in with him. May be that’s why i can’t confront him on saying, he was with his fiance this past hour while, i was outside his  apartment, waiting for him to show up. He is darn right. I know well, where i am heading into..

I feel like i am driving in a highway.. at 100mph speed. On a black topped smooth road, under the cover of stars.  Flying free like a bird, floating in the air.. with the wind hitting my face and brushing my hair.. But the thing is, my destination is not the endless horizon nor the open fields neither the vastness of the desert. It’s a wall,a big, massive wall where i am driving to crash..Hoping finally it will bring me to a stop..praying this will jolt me off, of my craziness for Will.


Will You into My Will (Chapter 13)

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I don’t get Mia. So i admit it, i was a little careless, not seeing the taxi coming my way or hearing it ‘honk honk’ like 5-6 times as Mia says. But where is Will’s fault here? Poor Will. He is still on bed, probably dreaming about his next big promotion or marrying me, someday in near future. No idea, that his greatest enemy is lurking very close to him. Right beside his girlfriend!

Annoyed, i stomp into my first class of the day. Why is it that my worst day starts with  Mrs Matthew’s class?

Second period, same old same old boring chemistry.  Hydrogen, Helium, lithium, Berylium, Boron. I am so bored!!Someone suggest Mr Davis to watch Breaking Bad. And may be teach us, how to cook crystal meth. That would be interesting.Why do i even need classes anyways, when everything is on book, if he is only going to read it out.   Almost 12. Uffff…Will send me a reply text please..

My days go by routine, following the sheet of time table the school has provided me, like every other day. Changing between the classes, walking here and there in the corridors around the campus and exchanging formal Hi and Hellos with  familiar faces. The only thing that gets me running in this monotonous life is the lunch break with Mia and Will’s text. Which today is obviously out of my supply.

Mia approaches to me very cautiously at our lunch table and it doesn’t take me long to guess why.  ‘Hi’ a boy from our chemistry class greets me casually, following Mia.   Oh yeah, i forgot. We had a talk this morning about this. He is James ‘Mia’s boyfriend’. And we are including  him on our lunch group starting today, because he feels, that i am a lesbian waiting to find out my sexuality  and sooner or later, i will steal away Mia from him. 

How much time does he need with Mia anyways?? He is with  her round the clock 24/7. The only time i get to be with her in  peace is ‘this lunch break’. He is an uninvited guest. If i am to be honest ‘Unwanted’ too.  They are doing everything together.  Assignments, coo-kings, movies every weekend.. Yet he still complains. Look at me! I have only a fraction of Will’s time  and am i complaining?

‘Hey James’ i flash out my brightest grin. I hate to fake but this is my best friend’s boyfriend.

Talk about the level of copying each other! And how dare she says i am completely influenced by Will or controlled, as she says. Even  her lunch tray has the same thing, in same proportions he has.  Tuna sandwich, scrambled eggs and half a glass of orange juice fortified with Calcium!

‘I didn’t know you were lactose intolerant’ I tease Mia, who gives me an uncomfortable stare and settles down.

‘Hey i might even enjoy this new arrangement of ours’ i gloat happily. After all, finally i have Mia’s weakness exposed, and he is sitting right there in front of me slurping his calcium fortified orange juice.

Will You into My Will (Chapter 12)


A moan escapes me, as Will’s lips touches my Neck and tracks down to my collar bones . So soft, the flush spreads under the layers of my skin, until it reaches my face. And my cheek blushes to rose.  I  extend my neck back, involuntarily, more in arousal, holding him closer. In response, he stops along his trail and sucks in, gently a portion of my flesh.

 I get paralyzed with my frail blood vessels giving away, into  his pressure. Like being stung with poison, only that my agony is sweeter, so much sweeter than i had imagined.  My respiration becomes shallower and i start to gasp, till i can hear nothing else  but my own breath..


‘Did you sleep alright? Mia asks, spreading  butter into her bread, early in the morning. ‘No’ i groan, yawning  at her. ‘My eyes are hurt like they have been stabbed with knife or something’.

‘Nightmare?‘ she questions.

More like a wet wet dream Mia’ i laugh. ‘ I am guilty of imagining all sort of twisted things about Will but this? I am officially a slut now. Even when i sleep, i am all over him. I am pulling him on my bed, in my carpet..

Hush hush, i don’t need to know the details‘ She stops me midway, annoyed. ‘Especially not about him’ 

‘It was crazy, i tell you..’ I throw my wicked grin.


All the while i walk to my  campus. I keep thinking of  the vivid dream i had about Will. It was so real,  i woke up panting  this morning. ‘Miss You’ i text as i move along the crowd of students in the side ways towards the campus gate. ‘Watch out’ Suddenly Mia pushes me, and a taxi rushes by, missing me, by an inch.  ‘F**** you!’ she screams at the driver.

‘What happened?’ i ask, pulling my innocent face. Hoping it works.  ‘This!!’ she grabs  my cellphone away.  ‘He is not good for you!Get that on your head already!’

Will You into My Will (chapter 11)


(After Will. The Diary)

I wish i had been smarter. I wish i had listened to Mia when she warned me about Will. Now that i look back, i realize how foolish i had been? I was naive. I knew nothing about how mind of people works.. how minds of adult works.  How someone could manipulate you so well into believing all his words and ‘puff’  next minute be nowhere. I still feel like we are playing hide and seek, and he is hiding somewhere. Only that i won’t find him anymore. Because i have given up the chase. I will never chase him, again. Can i even chase him? Mia says they put him down, 4 feet under the grave.But i don’t believe her. I still feel like we are playing hide and seek. But i won’t find him anymore. He left, and he left for good.



Years have passed  since Will went away now and today i burnt all the pages of my diary. ‘I leave nothing with you behind’ his final words, echoes to my ears like it has been imprinted now into my existence. I wish i could escape, but it haunts into my loneliness. I will never understand, how a person next to us, can change us and  who we are without ever intending to influence us. I will never understand, how  docile and malleable can our human minds be, that at one submission of our heart we agree to abide with all kinds of rules.. Never giving a second thought in thinking that what we are doing could be wrong, even though a small voice inside,  warns and pleads us to stop…

Agreeing to Will was to agreeing  in tormenting myself . Faith? Luck? Whatever it was. Everyone wishes, they  weren’t at that end of table. For when they are,  it is a sad part of story no one wants to tell, no one wants to hear. Did Will ever think i will end up being like him? I wonder.  Did he ever manipulate me? I don’t know. All i know is, at this point of my life, i will never be the same again.   Even after he is gone, i still yearn for  his haunting presence.



Today Mia asked me, what had i done with my hair. ‘I chopped it’ i replied.  She  didn’t say another word to me, like every other friend who commented, how disturbed i looked with my pumpkin head. She just hugged me real tight then started to cry. ‘We will forget everything. And begin again’ she said. ‘I already did’ i smiled at her, showing her my tuft of chopped hair neatly placed in the plastic bag. Wiping her tears away, she chuckled holding on to it and threw it in the bin. ‘No one will ever know your story, i promise’ she assured. ‘I know. I want my innocence back Mia’ I replied, my tears giving away as i told her so, watching her discard my every last memories of Will..in front of my own eyes. 

I always felt so alone. It is strange, how it never occurred to me that one could still feel a higher intensity of loneliness than what i used to feel..Is there any end to depth, we can submerge ourselves in??

Will You into My Will (chapter 10)

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‘I can’t control it, not touching him Mia’ i breathe out, throwing my head back on the chair, watching at the ceiling. ‘So, stay away’ Mia murmurs without removing her eyes from the book. ‘How do i do that? I am like a fish outside of water without him’ I sigh.

You are not.’ she throws a dis-approving stare at my direction.

‘You have only just started to live and there is whole world out there waiting for you. Not to mention, all type of guys’

‘I know but it will not be Will,will it? I want someone who is exact look-alike’ i hammer my point.

Look, I will help you find one ok..’ Mia answers me defeated, removing her black framed spectacle and closing down her book. ‘There are lot of look alikes in this world. He is no exception’.

‘Fine. The day you meet his look alike, an exact copy, i swear, i will leave him’ i frown, not wishing to lengthen this fruitless conversation.

Why do you dislike him so much anyways?’ i ask, a minute later with frustration piling up on me.

My best friend hates my boyfriend and i need to know why? Not that i don’t know, but i have to hear her in her own precise words.’

‘Why do i hate him?Lets see…’ Mia pretends to think.

‘Oh i don’t even need to think. First, he has a fiancee and he is with you behind her back. Second, he is a fuck guy. He will leave the next minute, he gets what he wants from you. And Third, he is like a voodoo master or something. You see him, just him and nothing,’

He doesn’t even like her’ i protest hurt, deeply wounded by Mia’s words.  ‘Clearly he is not happy with her, so he is with me‘  i add, reasoning.

Sure explain yourself Carem. You are only fooling yourself not me. The last time he dropped you off your dinner date, i saw his engagement ring. A man who wears engagement ring on his dinner date with someone else, you do the math’. Mia explodes.

This is the part, where i hate Mia so much. She will always see so much fault in our relationship. She will always point out on our flaws, Will’s flaws. She doesn’t even know him like i do. So nothing gives her right to be the judge of his character. Nothing gives her that right.

And this the part, where i cry. Because i am hurt. Because of Mia, Because of Will and Because of my own foolishness. Divided in the possibility of right and wrong. The truth was always in front of my eyes. I just  never wanted to see it.  What do you do, when your silence is  burning you inside and out?Me? I pretend,like  i feel nothing.

Will You into My Will. Chapter 3.

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‘You know this is not right‘ Mia lashes in, when i take one  quick  glance on his instagram page before i settle in for  lunch. ‘Not the same thing again Mia’ i hush her away, scrolling down the page for any new updates, sticking a bun in my mouth.

‘Well don’t tell me later, i didn’t tell you so. First the man is clearly using you. Second, you got to honest about your age. You are way younger for him’

‘Shhh‘ i throw a warning look at Mia ‘Don’t mention him on public’.

‘Like as if everyone knows about him’ she replies rolling her eyes. ‘They should actually, this is crime. Him manipulating you..’

‘Whatever ok Mia‘ i roll back my eyes at her. ‘He doesn’t even know’

‘Tell him then’.

‘No way. He will never forgive me. He hates lies. And i have tons of those..Only you think it’s disgusting, every girl has a fantasy of dating hot Math/Science or a Gym Teacher..’ i protest in my defense.


‘You look beautiful Carem’ Will compliments me, pulling over a seat for me, that evening in our dinner date.  ‘And you look as good as always‘ i smile back, my comment, every word of it filled with nothing but entire honesty, right away from my heart. ‘When will you realize that will?’

‘Thank you for being such a  gentleman. You truly know how to keep a lady’.

‘Only for those i aim to keep‘ Will replies, winking his eyes. Oh’ he is so gorgeous!!

I have never been into a fancy restaurant like this before. In fact i have never been in a date. Will is my first and i am glad he is. I would have nothing else to wish for even if Genie was to appear right away and  commanded me to ask for wishes. However, at the moment, i could use someone to  help me with my level of confidence. I am starting to doubt my knife and fork skills. My palms feel sweaty and these few strands of hair that never bothered in my life before, like ever, are starting to give me an itchy sensation.

I wish i could tell Mia how i am feeling right now.  And explain to her…how important Will is for me. But she judges books by cover. She will only see Will as a wolf, and nothing else. It’s a shame. I am alone, going through my most struggling phase, when i really could use her help.

I go through my head, what i read about ‘first dates’ in the internet this morning. And what i remember makes me more nervous. ‘Will Will kiss me tonight? Or will he want more? Are we going to do it? Will it hurt?’

I panic. And probably because he notices it, he gives a warm touch over my fingers and asks ‘Are you alright?’

Yes. Of course‘ I reply, brought back to my senses with his radiant smile. I went and shopped for the sexiest inners i could find for tonight, i might be realizing it just now but for this moment, i have always been  ready.