Will You Into My Will (Chapter 63)

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Can this be love?

That despite all the flaws you see in the person and  in your relation, you wouldn’t want to let go of their hold? That despite knowing, the person you want may never really  want you back and in your infinite world of happiness, you would never truly be happy, you still wouldn’t  let go.

How happy am i? Or i ever was? I don’t know. I don’t think i will ever know.

One moment i hate Will. The next moment, i cry. I can’t even tell apart, what part of my feelings are stronger. If even one of them was, my mind would at least have been at ease.

I hold Will’s hands and stare at him.

I could still feel the tracks left by the shawl when it constricted his wrist, the ridges and depressions it left behind; distinct, sharp and overwhelming on senses of my fingers.

‘I will be fine’. He answers, looking at me, without even a tint of worry on his voice or his face.

Clearly this man has no idea what he is into…’  I feel like mocking his stupidity, knocking some senses on him then and there, but this was no time.

What happened? I heard noises’ he asks, when he sees me return with a bucket full of ice.

‘Some of the ice trays broke.’ i reply bluntly.  ‘Put your hands here. It will help your pain and swelling’.

He doesn’t question and digs them  into the cubes.  Next few minutes we sit there  without talking. It was one of those odd times when  silence between us was just too awkward.

‘Are you stupid?’ 

‘Hmmm.. ‘ 

Will raises his brows at my abrupt question.

‘Its been more than 3 minutes Will and you still have your hands buried under the cubes!’

‘You asked me to.’

‘ Smart people are smart enough to know when it starts to hurt!’. My jaws tense as i say that.

 

Ok!’. He removes his hands looking at me and places them at my eye level for my visual confirmation.

I was doing it again, directing all my anger and frustration over and at  him.

Nothing had changed much really except his swelling. I don’t understand what i was so heated up for, the world wasn’t going to crash if i stayed calm for three minutes.

‘Sorry.’ I mumble. ‘If you put your hands longer on ice, it will actually do you more harm. You are supposed to alternate it. Take it out and put it back in. Immerse only 1 minute or so, take out and immerse again later.’

‘Hmm. Yeah. Sure’ he replies awkwardly. Then  back again, we have our silence.

‘Why are you so angry now days?’ Its his turn now to bombard a sudden question.

I crease my forehead. Honestly, it wasn’t unanticipated. But till now, i hadn’t really come up with an answer.

‘I was never like this. Ever since you dropped in on my life, i can’t really tell whats going on with me’.

Will laughs, his beautiful laugh.

He thinks i ‘m trying to woo him away with my flimsy dialogues. He thinks its too sleazy, too cheesy or  too corny for me to mean it.  If only he knew, i am  honest. He changed me in many ways. For better or for worse.

 

……………………………………………………………………

An hour later, our moods are different.

I am lying on bed, half naked down below, with a blindfold on my eyes with the same shawl.

I do know, its all about kinky sex. And has a lot to do with me saying, ‘you are not good enough’yesterday.  But i really have no clue whats on his mind.

How often do you hear, about a monster on bed? About things men want to do, which their partners don’t like, don’t want to do but are forced to.. One moment it is consensual and other moment it turns into a rape. News, medias, internet; people with unhealthy sexual fantasies,  doing demeaning things, hurting people, playing with  lives. All for sex’.

Is it wrong for me to get worried at this point? But then again, what has it got to do with me trusting him? People are what they are. What if Will is one of those people, who is looking  forward to gain pleasure asphyxiating me, drowning me, duct taping or even stuffing me with things? Now that we are ready to push our boundaries.

‘Are you ready?’ I hear excitement on his tone.

Yes..‘  My ‘yes’ comes out as a stammer, rather than a confident response.

He separates my legs, pushing them up against my thighs then. And in no time, his fingers starts stroking my pleasure spots. A long gasp of air, and I had only begun to breathe it in, when he plants his lips on it.

‘I can handle that. We have done it before….’ I breathe out. But his hype of eagerness was making me more restless than i should be.

 

More strokes and i start to moan tightening my abdomen.  All my focus suddenly concentrated now on the nub between my inner lips and his.

‘Oh my God…!!This is insane.’ I explode.

 

Humans. We were designed with a flaw, a natural weakness on our physique aren’t we?

I remove my eye fold to  bend my head over and look at him and, i can’t help smiling. But he is clearly not happy. ‘You are not supposed to do that’ he rants.

‘But i’m done. You should know, you can’t tickle more, if you don’t want to get in.’ I laugh again. The look he has is actually disappointment.

‘That was too fast’. He frowns. Genuine disappointment. Can you believe that?

‘Not my fault.’ I protest.  ‘You aren’t happy when i don’t come in, you aren’t happy when i come in. What do you want? Is it about me saying you aren’t good enough?’

‘Of course not!’ he defends. Seen a kid with wrapper on his hand and openly, courageously lie, looking into your eyes saying that he didn’t eat the chocolate. Adorable, isn’t it?  But you know he is clearly lying.

‘If i’m not good enough, you wouldn’t be moaning ears off these walls. I’m sure Matt has hard time sleeping’. 

I didn’t even ask for explanations. And he is defending. I smile. Guys and ego, i just don’t understand.

‘I didn’t mean it..I was just mad.’ I try to calm him down.

‘Of course you didn’t mean it. You keep begging for it.’ Now that, was getting over my head.

‘No i don’t!’

‘Yes you do!’

It has  become a game for us, this thing, trying to make the other back down.

‘Ok. Yes I do. So, before i wear off my high,  why don’t you get in?’. I open my legs again and taunt him. Last thing i want to do is fight.

‘Then lay back in. And i want the folds back’. He demands.

‘Why?’

‘Cause I want them back. I want you close your eyes and concentrate on where i am rubbing you.’

I can’t concentrate with my eyes open’.

‘Do it!’. 

I put my blindfold back. I am not happy. Something about the folds, they make me really nervous. Or is it the idea, that he might shove something else down my canal, i don’t know.

He inserts it in. I know this feeling. The pulsating beat, the stretching of my rugae. I can hear him gasp softly too on the background. A short gasp, on every thrust he puts. Its sensual, its arousing.

I move along side as he bends, extend as he extends moulding to his hands. The friction gets easier, slippery, short lived and faster.

‘Don’t’ he whispers, clutching my hand, as i move it to my face to remove the shawl.

‘It makes me nervous..’

‘Trust me,’ he locks my hand above my head.

I want to see you’

‘Not now. Babe, just concentrate on yourself. No kisses for now’.

‘What does it mean no kisses? How can i concentrate when i can’t see you and now i don’t get a kiss? Let me out of it’

There is a pause. A pause of seconds, that feels like a millennium in a world without sight.

‘Babe,’ he begins.  ‘Don’t you have a fantasy guy you ever wanted to hook up with?’. 

He is calm and clear with his question. I can see even with my eyes closed, his determination gawking at me, convinced to  take it all through. And i can’t talk him out of it.

‘For this time, just this onceimagine i am him. I can be your Leonardo , Channing Tatum whatever you want me to be. But whoever is it, however it is, imagine it.’

‘I know what you want. Women don’t always come. I may not’. Its pathetic how i am reasoning. But at least i am making my point.

‘You have to..’

‘I already did!’

‘Its not the same thing.’

Men are weird creatures. Its strange how their brain is made to function. Sex and emotions can be two separate and complete different things. And they expect the same for us, to segregate it.. To imagine someone else while i am having sex with him. How is it even possible? We have an emotional bondage. You can’t put a blindfold on my eye and let my insecurities escape. You can’t manipulate my body into deceiving my brain or my heart.

But, what did i know?? Apparently you could. Close your eyes and vanish your problems away.

I came that day, over and over again. Not knowing who was on his mind or even mine.  And it was, the most revelling experience in my life..

 

 

 

 

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Will You Into My Will ( Chapter 61)

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‘Wait. Don’t go.’ Will pulls the edge of my robe , gripping it in between his fingers, between the narrow space his sealed hands allowed.  Turning around quickly I pull my robe free from him.

‘Enough is enough I said!’ I screech, moving a step back from him, stretching my palms forward, warning him to stay put where he sat. ‘Don’t’.

He looks at me hesitantly as though he is unable to react at my sudden burst of mania. Then taking a while to process his thoughts over, he withdraws his hand slowly. ‘I am sorry‘ he apologises, rubbing his fingers over his eyes, over the bridge then, locking them to knuckles in front of his lips.

‘I love you. I don’t want to hurt you.’

‘Think again’. I grumble, sitting on my bed, across him. ‘Your actions says otherwise’.

He looks at me and lets out a long sigh. Then, throwing his arms over his head and leaning back on the sofa, he asks ‘What do i do to make you believe me?’

‘Nothing. Nothing, you can do’.

He sighs again. ‘What do you want from me? Tell me please’. His voice gets softer with a  desperate tone.

‘Really?’ I throw him an amused pretentious look.

He nods his head, appearing more hopeful, leaning forward closer to hear me out.

‘Nothing.’ I hit him hard with disappointment like a hammer on head. ‘He deserves this!’ I chuckle on my own.

 

Will doesn’t speak a word after that.

He looks at me vacantly; a mixture of  anger, sadness and confusion  gleams on his eyes; his stare transfixes at me, into me and beneath the layer of my cornea, through the gap in my pupils, against the frail membrane of my lens and deeper beneath..

‘Look away’ i snarl , feeling exposed, vulnerable..

He does. A moist film of tear running down the corner of his lids.

He is manipulating you! Don’t fall for it!’ My subconscious roars. ‘If you do, might as well admit to yourself, you are his whore!’.

‘I won’t. Not again!’ I brush away my sympathy. And picking my pillow from the ground, i put it back to my head end of bed, preparing to to sleep.

Will’s head is still faced away from me. He too has lied down on sofa now, with his feet overhanging down the edges and arms folded uncomfortably, crouched  against the corner, trying to fit in his long body on limited space. I can hear him make noises, like breathing roughly against a blocked nose, like sobbing quietly.

I crawl down in my bed, looking at him, cornered  by the unwanted emotions i refuse to feel. First there is fear; the dread of being raw, naked down to my soul; my secrets were no longer mine. The power to control; my thoughts, my wants were no longer mine. And, the key; to my happiness, to my dreams..everything narrowed down to one, my vision tunnelled, it’ was no longer mine.

Second to creep was ‘pain’; amplified by my fear of getting hurt. An acute ache in middle of my chest that i could not point. So unbearable, as though, my muscles were being twisted and stretched beyond their endurance till they tore..

The third, knocking around my misery came ‘The Anger’, so much, building up inside me, that it suffocated my lungs.

‘Wake up! Wake up!‘ i shrug Will roughly by his shoulder.

‘Leave me alone. Go to sleep.’ 

‘No! Wake up!’ I shrug him again. Shaking him violently than before.

‘Ok Ok. Whats wrong with you?’ He sits up, moving side to side, putting his hands down for support.

I lift them above the ground and stretching it past his head, secure them at the back of his neck, making sure  both his arms were  now raised and restricted to any movements.

‘What are you doing?’ he asks me confused, his voice now hoarser with a nasal twang.

‘Securing it. So that you don’t move’.  I reply,  checking the knot again, pulling his head towards me.

‘Why?’ 

‘Sex. I want Sex’. I reply bluntly, looking at him, my hands pushing up his Tee past his neck.

‘I am not in mood,’ he exclaims, creasing his brows in disbelief, angry at me.

‘You don’t need to be. It has a brain of its own. Beside, You Got No Choice!’ I snap back equally infuriated, stressing him loud enough  on ‘You Got No Choice’ part.

He stares at me, taken back, without blinking his eyes for seconds.  I pull down his trousers, down his bums anyways.

Don’t!’ he snarls, sitting down on it, bloated, grumpily.  ‘I didn’t stop you from doing anything. You shouldn’t too’ I mumble, reminding him of his deed, a day back, to which he still owed me. Upset, i would still pull that guilty card, he looks at me regretfully with a repentant conscience.

Then, he lets me drag his trousers all the way  down  his feet and off it, in no time. Still groaning and complaining, he watches me  toss it far too, to the bin beside the door, like a crumpled piece of a paper. ‘Ooooh Yes. I loved it!’

‘It will be more fun, if you set me free from this’. He bends  his head,  to slide forward his hands, showing me what he meant.

Stop, I want your hands back!‘ I snap again, suddenly, frustrated; at his lack of compliance with simple rules. ‘Did you hear me complain then?’ i ask him, utterly annoyed.

It gets easier the next few minutes. Me handling him, playing with him and slipping him off inside me. He doesn’t say a word at all. Not a sound, just the way i wanted it.  I close my eyes then, allowing myself to float in blissful pleasure i was learning to indulge..thinking in my head that ‘It could have been anyone, anyone else in my arms, not necessarily him.’

My knees spread wider apart, relaxing my pelvic floor to accommodate the pressure i was raising, swelling inside me. My back arches forward and backward like swinging on a vine, on its own, controlling the motion of my thrust.. And my hip moves up and down, feeling  every inch of his muscle grate the folds of my tunnel, pleasurably.

I moan softly, resting my head against his shoulders, locking him inside my own arms, pushing and pulling my passage till his tip. The juices on my body pent up and release with every friction i pass on them. Running my fingers across his hair then, i pull his head close to my chest, burying his face on my skin, watching him wet it with his saliva; enjoying each stroke, driving my own route to my lustful pleasure.

‘Fuck me harder baby’ Will whispers on my ear, nibbling on it, sensing my urge getting stronger.

Don’t talk’ i breath out, looking at him, pressing my hip harder against him and  my forehead pressed against his.

‘Use me. Want me. Love me.’ he moans. ‘I want to see you come’..

‘Shhh..’ I hush.    ‘Can’t.’

‘Why? But.. i want you to.’

‘Don’t ask’. I cover his mouth with my wrist, stopping him mid sentence, driving back to momentum.

However, i halt again. ‘Ah. Don’t bite!What now? ‘ I sneer at him.

‘Don’t pace fast. I don’t want to’. He whines leaning his head on my chest. ‘At least kiss me once…’

‘Well you can’t decide. Can you? I have it my way today.’ I push him back on the sofa and bending forward to wrap him again around his neck, resting my head against his shoulders, moving back and forth. ‘Why should i kiss you?‘ i mumble as i do so.

‘I’m not just the thing down you know. I am a human’. He replies with a sigh.

‘Me too. I guess you didn’t know that before huh..’

Well as long as i’m the only one getting in.. I don’t mind i suppose.’  He pecks a soft kiss on my cheek, snuggling past my hair, at which i raise my head and stare at him with surprise.

‘Don’t be too sure. I have a need.‘ I lash at him.

‘Nothing gets in down there except my fingers, your fingers and my stick’.

‘Well, its my body! Stop acting like you control me!’ I glare at him

He doesn’t speak a thing again. And i stop chattering too. We get straight to business, getting it done; me fucking him the way i want.

Once we were over it, I clean myself and toss him a roll of tissues to clean his. ‘Thanks’ I leave him a kiss on a forehead for being a good fuck-buddy.

‘Wait!! Maybe I am being too kind to him..

‘You aren’t even that good by the way. Waste of my time!’ I hurl at him, my vicious comment. Whoever said, word can’t kill..  Trust me, it does much worse. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Personal Note :)

 

 

Thank you very much for reading ‘Will You Into My Will’. I cannot be more grateful enough for your support with likes, comments and follows. Some of you even left me with 10/ 12 likes on a day.. Did you honestly read all those pages? 😉 I only hope i can keep up to your expectations.

Please continue to love ‘WYIMW’.  Like, follow, comment, share whichever you want, everything is appreciated.  ((AM ALWAYS STARVING FOR ATTENTION!! PEOPLE BEWARE!! AM ANNOYING THAT WAY!! BUT M TOLD, am a cutie pie! 😉  )) I will keep pursuing it with my best effort as well. Its almost on the third quarter at the moment.  I can’t believe i have put forward 58 pages already! I had been so unsure to put even 1 chapter at first. But, your ‘likes’ kept me going..

I’ m a loyal follower too. Please keep posting your great works. When i visit your blog i will definitely leave a ‘like’.(Comment too once in a while, cause am not very good with those. And that’s only because you guys are so awesome that you leave me blank for words when i read your works!).

 

FLowers are beautiful..So are feelings. Aren’t they?? I am leaving you today with handful of beautiful flowers i found on the internet. Of course they are not mine.. They belong to their respective photographers. But you get my gesture, don’t you? 🙂 Enough with roses for this post.. please your eyes with lotus, orchids an….

Happy Blogging. XOXO.